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Black History Month is back. It seems like just when I begin forgetting that I’m black, February rolls around to remind me of it. I thought that once Obama was elected president Black History Month was over. Not how you may think though.

I’m actually surprised that Obama’s election didn’t get black people at least two more months.  You figure, if the Obama administration can allow blacks to intimidate whites from voting, we could at least get recognized as black for say ¼ of the year?

But if Obama can’t get us another month or two, how about stealing a day from January and March, and lengthening February to 30, sometimes 31 days?! Surely one of the “white” months would be willing to give up a day to even things out. Both January and March have 31 days, so if we redistribute one day from each of them, then the black month would have equality, right?

But there was no such logical thinking, when black people negotiated for our month, which got me thinking who handled this negotiation?

Regardless of the answer, I will tell you who I wish had handled it.  I want Obama’s agent. You know, the guy who negotiated his presidential vacation package.  That guy could have gotten black people a good month, not the shortest, coldest month of the year.  He would be like, [in the voice of Chris Tucker]:

Looka hur, Maaannnn. Don’t  you be tryin’ to run no game on me up in hur. Y’all been rippin’ off my peeps fa yurs, and that time is o-va! We wont April, all the summer months, and Octoba. That las’ one is just to piss off the Nazis.

I’m guessing that the Congressional Black Caucus negotiated black people’s month. Descendants of the folks who sold Manhattan, no doubt. Here’s my take on how this happened:

White Liberal (WL): Now see here. This meetin’ will come to orda.  You negroes ah getting’ bit uppity, howeva as rankin’ Democrat, I am willin’ to give ya a little somethin’.

CBC spokesperson: Well exactly what was ya thinkin’, Mr. Chahlie?

WL: (Cheerfully) Well… we were thinkin’ of givin’ you negroes ya own day!

CBC: A DAY! That’s insultin’, Man!

WL: Well now, you just watch ya tone there, boy! Exactly what do you need to remine you thatchu black?

CBC: We need at least a quar..

WL: (interrupts) A quarta?! You mus be outcho negro mind, boy. A quarta is outta the questions; I’ll give ya two weeks.

CBC:  Two monfs…

WL: I’ll give ya 28 days, and not a day moah!

CBC: Make it 29 and we got a deal!

WL: {caucus with other white Democrats…mumbling} Deal! We’ll give ya February.

Other white Democrat: (whispers to Chairman): Mr. Chairman, what we gone do about the Chinese? They might have a problem celebratin’ their new year during Black Solstice.

WL: (whispers back) We’ll cross that bridge if we git to it.

That’s how Black History Month was born and the Chinese were kept quiet. I’m not sure of the future of Black History Month, especially given our debt to the Chinese. I suspect black people are at risk to lose this month to the Chinese due to Obama not making a payment to the Chinese in a while. Black people will be the last to know.

And what about the Mexicans who only get a day? They seem cool with it. Admittedly, I look forward to Cinco de Mayo, so I feel like I’m cheating a little bit.  But I love Mexican food. Frankly, I would be cool with having that celebration once a month. I also find Latin women very attractive, so I would negotiate for even more for the Mexicans, and throw in Puerto Ricans and Venezuelans for good measure. Oh hell, just include all of Latin America.

The Jews have a few days, but these are mostly religious in nature. Given their population, it’s probably a good trade. Other nationalities seem to either not care, or they don’t know their status. Personally, I think the Canadians should try out for a month, since they always seem oppressed by America.

As for the assigned month of my people, I can’t say that I would be sad to lose it. Black History Month has been going on for decades, and blacks don’t seem to know any more about black history than they do Greek history. I would be happy if blacks learned present-day “history,” since there don’t seem to be any barriers to black achievement these days. I know there are those who mention a few obscure facts about blacks from the past, black people who achieved. However I think Black History Month is meant to serve as more of a guilt trip for whites, than it is empowerment of blacks.

I do like the Chinese approach to February, where they celebrate Chinese New Year as a rebirth. It is themed too, like the Year of the Tiger. I’m not a fan of communism, but I’m thinking next year I will celebrate Chinese New Year and skip Black History Month. I may not even have a choice soon.

That’s my rant!

© 2011 Kevin Jackson – The Black Sphere, LLC – All Rights Reserved.


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