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It all started on February 7th as a Carnival Cruise ship, the Triumph, left Galveston, Texas, for a four-day trip with 3,143 passengers all looking forward to everything the glossy brochure had promised.

Then, some 150 miles off Mexico’s Yucatan peninsula, there was a fire in the engine room and that’s when everything went south.  With no power to the engines and severely compromised water and plumbing systems, the Triumph drifted for five days as the fun-filled cruise to “Funville” turned into a sewage-filled trip to “Sewerville.”

With no running water, no toilet facilities, and a scarcity of edible provisions, the stench of human waste and rotting food sickened many of the passengers. After five days, the upper deck of the ocean liner looked more like ‘Occupy Triumph’ than a sunny Carnival cruise.  To escape the urine- and feces-soaked rooms and hallways, passengers left the ‘poop deck,’ built tents on the upper deck, and relieved themselves in red “poo-poo bags” which crewmembers dutifully collected.

Currently, the  United States is struggling through an ordeal strangely similar to the one that befell the passengers on the incapacitated Triumph.  In 2008 America believed a brochure, put their money down on Barack Obama, and bought into his “transformational” vision for America.  Unfortunately, immediately after departing from the dock, the President’s socialist ship, the SS ObamAmerica, began to take on water.

Four years later, unconcerned with things like the terrifying spectre of Obamacare, unjust social justice, and the economic “engine room blaze” smoldering below decks, on Election Day 2012, instead of sprinting down the gangplank toward safety, many Americans decided to remain onboard a vessel with a $16 trillion hole in the hull. So on January 20th, the willing and unwilling alike were either shoved or shoved off on a trip destined to make the experience on the Triumph seem like the luxury vacation of a lifetime.

For example, having set sail after receiving the cruise as a wedding gift, engaged couple Rob Mowlam and Stephanie Stevenson were aboard the Triumph. Suffice it to say that the honeymoon didn’t turn out to be what Stephanie’s doctor’s office co-workers had in mind, and, rest assured, a honeymoon is not what’s lying in wait for America.

The Mowlams chose to have the Triumph’s captain officiate the marriage ceremony.  After the “I dos” were said, rather than drinking some bubbly, the newlyweds found themselves squishing around on carpets marinating in urine.  In like manner, for those starry-eyed voters who agreed to marry America’s future to Barack Obama’s corrupt version of utopia, what started out in 2008 as a “Hope and Change” honeymoon, in 2013 has turned into a ‘Lost Hope and No Change’ catastrophe.

When the Triumph finally docked in Mobile, Alabama, paramedics were there to assist the elderly and others too fatigued to walk. If Obamacare were fully implemented, those who had difficulty walking would have had to drag themselves down the gangway on their elbows and bellies. And as for the elderly, they would have either already been buried at sea or cashed-in at a government-sponsored ‘Silver for Seniors’ program where broken-down, rusted-out Grandmas are exchanged for big bucks.

Nonetheless, as a result of building up endurance by suffering through Barack Obama’s policies for the past four years, it was reported that many of those languishing aboard the Triumph were able to buck up and “take the situation in stride.”

To withstand the ongoing agony, faith-filled cruisers like Joseph and Cecilia Alvarez of Antonio, Texas, resorted to prayer and Bible study.  Joseph said,

“It was awesome, it lifted up our souls and gave us hope that we would get back.” 

Hallelujah! ‘Let’s all hope that America gets back to what and who she was’ is the sort of prayerful appeal every American should be offering to God Almighty on behalf of our nation’s future!

The non-praying types fared far worse. After standing in food lines in a 14-story, 900-foot-long Petri dish for five days, those who apparently skipped Bible school emerged from the cruise ship-cum-sewage barge wearing bathrobes over their clothes, mumbling incoherently, and in one case, bending to kiss the ground.

Sick of the “heat and stench”-filled cruise, as one woman disembarked from the ship she could be heard muttering to herself, “It was horrible, just horrible.” Coincidentally,  “horrible” happens to be the perfect adjective to describe Barack Obama’s first term

As others clamored to escape the ruined Triumph, some of them yelled “Let me off, let me off!”  If by some miracle the SS ObamAmerica does avoid taking up permanent residence on the ocean floor, hollering “let me off, let me off!” would be an option far superior to floating FORWARD into a sea of socialist sludge for the next four years.

Thankfully, after five days, the Carnival Triumph was towed into the Port of Mobile and its shell-shocked passengers finally emerged from their own special hell. Thus far, America has not been as fortunate; for the 300 million aboard the SS ObamAmerica, the grueling journey is far from over.

 
 
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    Three words: Texas Nationalist Movement.

 
 
 
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Kevin Jackson was supposed to star in the TV show 'Man vs Wild', but the network did not want kids thinking 'lava is safe to eat'.