Michelle Obama was missing for a few weeks, but last week wasn’t one of them.
Back from her Aspen ski vacation and on to her mini-vacation/“Let’s Move!” Third Anniversary Tour, the first lady danced with Jimmy Fallon on his Late Night with Jimmy Fallon show in a bit called “The Evolution of Mom Dancing.”
In an effort to inspire moms to get up and boogie, Jimmy Fallon, dressed like a mom, joined Mom Michelle to demonstrate some cool mom dance moves.
It was Jimmy that started the segment, quickly joined by a bouncy, shiny-banged Michelle in sleek black pants and a lime green sweater set with dance-ready pink ballet flats. Although the idea was to get America’s moms up and moving with the kids, instead of boogying with Sasha and Malia in the privacy of their home, the first lady of the United States chose instead to make a fool of herself in front of the whole country on late-night TV.
As Jimmy proceeded to dance, the music then ushered in Michelle Obama, who communicated with her dance partner in time to the beat. What took place in the next few minutes confirms that Michelle Obama wasn’t kidding when she said that if she could, she’d be Beyoncé.
Mrs. Obama immediately invited women with aspirations beyond the drudgery of Momhood to get up and do the “Go Shopping, Get Groceries” dance with her – a woman who, incidentally, probably hasn’t gone grocery shopping in 20 years.
The grocery shopping/get-mom-moving “Let’s Move!” move was followed by the “Raise the Roof” which is what the Obamas started out doing in 2008 when they made Wednesday night Conga Night at the White House. For the first lady, ‘raising the roof’ is just fine, as long as it isn’t sexy Latin pop star Thalia doing the ‘raising’ with Barry.
After ‘raising the roof,’ Jimmy and Shelley demonstrated the disco favorite from the 1970’s you’d never catch classy Laura Bush doing in public: the “Hip Bump” (known in the 70’s as “the Bump”), which some say ‘burn baby burns’ 600 calories an hour.
Next was the “Sprinkler,’’ which could either be about watering the White House organic garden or the woes of dealing with middle-age incontinence.
The dance “Happy Snapper” may have been alluding to a Friday night White House fish fry, or maybe some other happy-mom euphemism with a plethora of double meanings.
As the first lady and Jimmy Fallon did the “Just the Hands Part of Single Ladies” it confirmed that Michelle’s Beyoncé infatuation is real. Either that, or it could be a hint that Michelle has plans to go solo much more often, and not just on ski vacations, either.
The duo skipped the “Barack’s in Florida Walking on the Beach with Reggie Love” dance, which is obviously what inspired the “Where’s Your Father? (Get Him Back Here!)” move.
The “Reel it In” should have followed in sequence with “The Happy Snapper,” because it probably has nothing to do with actual fish and was just Michelle’s way of sending a message to her husband that she knows that on the boys-only Florida golf vacation something suspicious was going on that had nothing to do with golfing.
The “Shake Your Hip Twice to the Same Side” reaffirmed that the first lady doesn’t shake her hips both ways. However, based on the Obamas’ newest “It doesn’t matter who you love line that’s showing up everywhere,” Jimmy Fallon’s get-up sent a message to moms across America that a girl shaking her hips one way or both ways is perfectly acceptable.
Doing the “Pulp Fiction” (aka the “Batman”) dance could have been a shout-out to Obama supporter Samuel L. “Wake the f*** up for Obama” Jackson, or maybe a heart-stopping glimpse into the future that awaits America with Obamacare.
Then there was the “Oh My God, I Love This song!” which brought out Michelle’s best junior high school moves: the “Driving the Station Wagon” – something Michelle has never done in her entire life – and the “Out of Sync Electric Slide,” which Michelle must think all mothers are afflicted with when dragged against their will onto the dance floor at weddings.
The segment ended with Mrs. Obama peering flirtatiously out from under her bangs, dancing solo and wowing the crowd with her very own version of “The Dougie” that she learned along with “The Running Man” at the Alice Deal Middle School in Washington D.C. a few years back.
So, without saying a word, Michelle Obama sent a “Let’s Move!” message to the mothers of America, and did it while dancing her fool, oops, I mean cool, ass off with a male comedian in drag.
It's FINALLY HERE!
Kevin Jackson's hilarious take on Race-Pimping: The Multi-Trillion Dollar Business of Liberalism!
Enjoy this excerpt from the book:
"In actuality, black people will go to substandard hospitals, wait in long lines behind illegal immigrants, and be treated like non-citizens, as there simply won’t be enough healthcare to go around. There will be the occasional lucky few who will receive treatment, and we will parade them around like championship rings, thus continuing the ruse. As you can see, we’ve left out nothing. We touch more on this in Chapter 10: Promise Everything, Deliver Nothing. If for some reason we happen to run out of blacks, we will be able to apply our trade to the Mexicans with little disruptions. Plans are already underway for our next edition in this “How To” series: How to be a Latino "Race Pimp for Fun and Profit…even if you’re Illegal."