CHICAGO—The city of Chicago is steadily recovering from an overnight snowstorm that delayed hundreds of murders on Friday morning and will likely continue to push numerous homicides across the city drastically behind schedule, public authorities announced. “As we speak, maintenance crews are working diligently to restore public transportation, de-ice roads, and clear back alleyways so that Chicagoans can quickly resume murdering again,” Department of Streets and Sanitation spokesman Dave Michelson said of the heavy blizzard, which caused numerous homicide cancellations this morning at peak murder times.
“Unfortunately, we’re backed up by about 35 deadly shootings at the moment, but we hope to restore regular death tolls as soon as possible. We apologize to anyone forced to postpone shootings or other killings today and assure concerned murderers that they will be able to resume slayings by the early afternoon.”
At press time, authorities reported that murders were up and running in many parts of the city, with four teenagers already gunned down on Chicago’s South Side.
It's FINALLY HERE!
Kevin Jackson's hilarious take on Race-Pimping: The Multi-Trillion Dollar Business of Liberalism!
Enjoy this excerpt from the book:
"In actuality, black people will go to substandard hospitals, wait in long lines behind illegal immigrants, and be treated like non-citizens, as there simply won’t be enough healthcare to go around. There will be the occasional lucky few who will receive treatment, and we will parade them around like championship rings, thus continuing the ruse. As you can see, we’ve left out nothing. We touch more on this in Chapter 10: Promise Everything, Deliver Nothing. If for some reason we happen to run out of blacks, we will be able to apply our trade to the Mexicans with little disruptions. Plans are already underway for our next edition in this “How To” series: How to be a Latino "Race Pimp for Fun and Profit…even if you’re Illegal."