It’s official! Paula Deen fits snugly into the stupid liberal category, but not for the usual reasons.
Allegedly, the 66-year-old Food Network chef uttered racially provocative words and supposedly made sexual and racial innuendos.
After all these years of being careful when her mouth was full of her famous hoecakes not to say the words jigger, figure, vigor, chigger or digger in mixed company so as not to be falsely accused, she blows it and says the N-word right in front of an employee.
Some are saying that Paula’s unprofessional recklessness went far beyond the boundaries of impropriety.
Paula ‘Y’all’ Deen is accused of pretending to perform sex acts on chocolate éclairs, watching pornography while making fried macaroni and cheese, and on more than one occasion using the career-destroying N-word in front of employees working at Uncle Bubba’s Oyster House in Savannah, Georgia.
Uncle Bubba’s manager Lisa Jackson, who was apparently taking extensive notes while monitoring Paula’s every utterance, said that on at least one occasion, the Queen of Butter used the N-word in reference to Barack Obama. Jackpot! That was the “gotcha” Lisa was patiently waiting for!
According to Ms. Jackson, who is suing the cooking icon for $1.2 million, Deen allegedly suggested hiring African-Americans to dress in costumes and work at her brother Earl “Bubba” Hiers’ wedding.
According to Lisa, Deen said “What I would really like is a bunch of little [N-word]s to wear long-sleeve white shirts, black shorts and black bow ties. Now that would be a true Southern wedding, wouldn’t it?”
Whoa! Isn’t Paula Deen Oprah’s inspiration? Would Oprah consider Paula’s creative idea for a Southern-style wedding an example of Paula’s “life and vivaciousness” or, after Paula’s inevitable fall from politically correct grace, will Ms. Winfrey write her off too?
Regardless of what Oprah thinks, Paula Deen was “Chopped” by a network she helped make successful. In the aftermath of the controversy, Deen has profusely begged for forgiveness and done all but publicly tar and feather herself to express her sorrow to y’all for saying the N-word.
But all of Paula’s mea culpas have fallen on deaf ears.
Yet, who can forget when Paula, back when she was still making glazed-donut Lady’s Brunch Burgers, chowed down with healthy-eating nag Michelle Obama on her cooking show? Stupidly, Paula fell all over herself and even compared “Mrs. Pimski” to Jackie Kennedy.
Now, in an interesting twist, we find out that Ms. Deen actually campaigned and voted for none other than the man she allegedly described with the N-word, Barack Obama!
For her unforgivable mistake, Paula the leper has been exiled beyond the Food Network city gates. But come on people, don’t y’all think a little compassion is in order here?
Since those shameful incidents, Paula has been diagnosed with Type II diabetes. Out-of-wack glucose levels make people do and say wacky things. That’s why, medically speaking, if high blood sugar could have made Paula stupid enough to support Barack Obama, it may have also caused Ms. Deen to use the N-word, and even get outrageously lewd with a chocolate éclair.
But there is hope! Ms. Deen is a hopelessly smitten Barack supporter, and that should count for something when considering her fate. After all, the magnanimous man in the White House has set the example by extending forgiveness to all manner of illegal aliens, Taliban sympathizers, and even distraught foreign debtors.
And since Obama tends to reward loyalty by promoting screw-ups and idiots, maybe he could make Paula the face of diabetes by crowning her the new Blood Sugar Czar.
It's FINALLY HERE!
Kevin Jackson's hilarious take on Race-Pimping: The Multi-Trillion Dollar Business of Liberalism!
Enjoy this excerpt from the book:
"In actuality, black people will go to substandard hospitals, wait in long lines behind illegal immigrants, and be treated like non-citizens, as there simply won’t be enough healthcare to go around. There will be the occasional lucky few who will receive treatment, and we will parade them around like championship rings, thus continuing the ruse. As you can see, we’ve left out nothing. We touch more on this in Chapter 10: Promise Everything, Deliver Nothing. If for some reason we happen to run out of blacks, we will be able to apply our trade to the Mexicans with little disruptions. Plans are already underway for our next edition in this “How To” series: How to be a Latino "Race Pimp for Fun and Profit…even if you’re Illegal."