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Johnny Depp Threatens Trump in Hopes of Career Revival

Remember Johnny Depp? Don’t feel bad if the name doesn’t ring a bell.

Here’s a memory job. Depp played a swashbuckling pirate, what 8 times. Wait, on how many films has he been overpaid? 

The former 21 Jump Street breakout star whose career can be summed up in Edward Scissorhands.

You can always tell when actors need the limelight. Depp seems to have entered that realm.

In the old days, Depp would have just had the Hollyweird decency to release a sex tape. But not anymore. The bar has been raised, especially in light of Kathy Griffin’s career-builder of holding President Trump’s severed head on display as if she’s playing ISIS. No, not the Egyptian Goddess of the Moon, but the other more famous ISIS.

Depp’s career finds itself on a similar trajectory to Griffin’s.

I found this clever write-up about Depp:

Every day, the universe contrives me to remind me that Johnny Depp still exists and is still paid good cash money to be in movies, despite my wishes to the contrary. Someone has to keep the overgrown scarf rack in outrageously expensive cotton ball money, I guess.

There’s the steady stream of news about how Depp is a jackass in real life. The domestic abuse and the divorce settlement fuckery and, more recently, the revelation that Depp doesn’t even bother to learn his lines anymore, which… color me shocked.

Also, Johnny Depp smells, right? No one’s come out and said that he does or anything. It’s not News. But he must. There is no way this man does not reek of BO, stale beer, and patchouli. I know it like I know Top Gun sucks, and if you think Top Gun doesn’t suck, congratulations: you’re a Johnny Depp fan now. You probably have a Mortdecai poster over your bed. TK. I don’t make the rules. I only enforce them with rigid cruelty.

And then there are the movies. Depp has been named Forbes’ most overpaid actor two years running, because he’s entered this career phase where he’s shit in shit movies. I blame Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

What’s a has-been to do?

Depp is apparently a memo or two behind.

First, Kathy Griffin has been fast-tracked even faster to oblivion. After Griffin’s tearful “non-apology.” she was banished to the Underworld. Griffin finally made the F-list.

Second, Johnny missed the results of a a few elections. As Trump put it, 5 and 0.

Thus, Johnny Depp joked about assassinating Donald Trump during an appearance at Glastonbury festival in England.

It was reported that Depp received a rock star welcome during the event at Cineramageddon – a drive-in cinema on the Somerset site. Next, he introduced his 2004 film The Libertine but began talking about President Trump following questions from the audience.

“I think he needs help,” he said. “There are a lot of wonderful dark, dark places he could go.”

Then Depp told the audience:

“It’s just a question. I’m not insinuating anything. By the way, this is going to be in the press, it will be horrible, but I like that you’re all a part of it.

When was the last time an actor assassinated a president?”

Depp suffers the delusion of significance, and that his “hipster” audiences are what matter. He couldn’t be more wrong.

If you’re like me, don’t you want to just be in earshot when his credit card isn’t accepted at Walmart?

 



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