Letterman Unplugged!

Letterman with Skank

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How lucky for Letterman that he is not taken too seriously.  Imagine revealing publicly that you are a slimeball, as people laugh along like a laughtrack?  Thankfully his wife didn’t have to endure “the good wife” photo op, as Letterman joked of disgracing her and his family.  That may be her only solace in all of this.

 Letterman quipped on his show that the revelation of all whom he slept with would be embarrassing— “especially for the women!” Perhaps no truer words have been spoken!

Far be it from me to moralize about people.  People make mistakes.  But I must tell you that I was happy to hear that Letterman is in the “hot seat.”  And it’s just beginning.  Nevertheless, I know that Hollyweird will come to his aid.  “He has to work long nights with staffers,” or “Things just work differently in Hollywood…the pressures.”  We will get to witness the lunacy of the Left first-hand! 

We may never know exactly whom Letterman slept with. But in the wake of the Polanski story, and frankly just knowing how Liberals are, it wouldn’t surprise me if Letterman slept with anybody and everybody.  Just don’t hang around the set after dark!

Why should we have thought that Letterman is not just another self-indulgent, Hollywood hypocrite?  Is it because he’s funny?  Lord knows that without fame and fortune many of Letterman’s conquests would never have “indulged” with him.  Letterman benefitted from The Billy Joel Effect!  Because in the real world, guys with no talent who look like Billy Joel don’t get chicks who look like Christie Brinkley!

Ironically, by not naming names, Letterman makes a suspect of every man, woman, [and child] on his staff.  And you thought Lewinski carries a lifelong scar!  The potential stigma of sleeping with Letterman is a very heavy cross to bear!

Letterman said that he is doing this “to protect all the people involved.” Really?!  I think he’s doing it to protect himself.  Something tells me that without the extortion attempt, we might never have heard about Letterman’s shenanigans.  Honestly, I could have done without this scandal.  The visual alone make me almost lose my lunch.

Letterman would like this to just go away…to laugh it off.  However it just won’t happen.  Aside from the obvious sexual harassment implications, I predict that Letterman will be the product of many lawsuits— even from those he did not have “sexual relations” with. I know if I worked at CBS I’d sue him for mental anguish.

Before you get all uppity about that statement, consider that if I worked at CBS I would be a Liberal, or at best a “closet Conservative,” thus tainted…and litigious.  I’d see this as the perfect opportunity to cash out at the expense of Letterman, CBS, and of course the taxpayer.  Think about all the mental anguish I would have suffered knowing about the affairs, and wondering when, when would Letter approach me for my well-muscled booty?  Or wondering if he will fire me, because I know, and he will want to cut off the heads of people who could potentially hurt him?

Or perhaps I would feel discriminated against that Letterman had not made advances at me!  I might be outraged that he chose Mario, the Puerto Rican copywriter instead of me!  Mario is only third generation American, and he ain’t “all that!”  My family has been here since the 1800’s, and fries do go with my shake! 

And what about Angie!  I know he “did” her on another set, and she’s a first class witch.  Why are all those around me getting all the nice gifts, trips, and so on, and I’m being treated like a skunk at the picnic?

Next, I could just lie and say that Letterman had approached me, many times, but I refused his sexual advances.  It was TORTURE, and I couldn’t be effective at my job.  So what he never fired me.  I was a good tease. 

Anyway, the inevitable outcome would be that I could have my complete employee file revised.  All those missed days…GONE!  Coming in late…GONE!  Bad attitude…never happened!  And of course I would negotiate for a much better job…one for which I was completely unqualified.

Or I could lie and say that Letterman and I had an illicit affair for many years, which was how I stuck around.  I could write a book, and Oprah would put it on her book club, and make me rich.  When it was revealed that Letterman was not a booty-bandit and my affair with him never happened, Oprah could have me back on the show. She would make me admit my wrongs, and I would “fess up.”  I would cry a lot, and promise never to do it again. But I’d be rich!

Finally, I would go on disability, so the taxpayers could take care of me for the rest of my life.

letterman palinHere’s the wrap:

I can’t say that I feel sorry for Letterman.  I think of the damage people like him do, all for the sake of a laugh, like what he said about Sarah Palin.  I hope he is made to squirm for some time. Nevertheless, I predict that Letterman’s professional life won’t change much, and in fact he will likely become even more iconic in the eyes of the Left.

I do hope that the woman he dated for years, had a child with, and eventually married gets hers.  It seems that the only way to hurt Hollyweird is in the pocketbook.  I suggest she keep away from the cameras and let Letterman do the “perp walk” all by himself.

That’s my rant!

©2009 Kevin Jackson – The Black Sphere All Rights Reserved

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