The Stench of Financial Reform

As Obama readied for his press conference on financial reform, he watched like a teenage voyeur, as the press corps jockeyed for positions closest to the podium. Ego sufficiently sated, Obama angled from the anteroom, outside to the Rose Garden, towards the podium, the press ogling him like starry-eyed girls in full awe and pant mode—Pavlov dogs all. But I smell a rat.

Obama explained how his vision of financial reform would re-shape a fallen nation, reminding America of the lie that “he inherited this mess.”  He is the one we had waited for.  He alone could offer America salvation, and we are lucky to have him.

From sand to stone, the bill was born. 

Obama lauded his work, dislocating his shoulder from self-adulation. He shucked about at great length, informing those interested that he had unleashed a reform that would now hold Wall Street accountable. No longer would Wall Street be able to take advantage of Main Street.  That would now be the sole purview of the Federal government!

“No more taxpayer-funded bailouts… period,” Obama proclaimed!

There was something for everyone on the financial reform menu. The genius of his program shone like a star piercing the darkness.  Obama offered that his plan would “reward success instead of failure.” Not a moment too soon!  For had he waited longer, there would be no banks capable of achieving success!

Obama elucidated that

…the goal was not to punish the banks, but to help protect the American economy.

It was clear that these new rules would prevent financial companies from becoming “too big to fail.” The only thing that should grow too big to fail is government!

Wall Street would be both effective and profitable, like…the postal serv.  Like Social Secur…no Medica…ok how about Fann…or Fredd….well I’m sure there is at least ONE good example. 

Even if there isn’t a profitable government-run program, what we all know is that Obama’s program is different. How so? 

Well Obama is BRILLIANT, stupid! The change we need!  HE can make it all work, because after all, he has all the experience…of a community organizer, a role that America has learned to respect!

So you know Obama is no joke, here is an example of his brilliance.

In Obama’s new financial reform plan, shareholders will now have a bigger say on what executives at these institutions will earn.  Under the new regulations in the bill, Obama illustrated,

Taxpayers shouldn’t have to share in somebody else’s responsibility.

I think he meant “irresponsibility,” but then again, you can never be sure with Obama.  Sometimes he says or does dumb things like “corpsemen”; things that make no sense.  But, it is only to TEACH!

I was pleased to learn that there is NO way for the taxpayers to lose. I mean, you have CEOs working for whatever the taxpayers want to pay them, so surely companies will attract the “best and brightest!” 

And if the CEOs can’t cut it, thankfully we have the government ready to step in and make the business run successfully.  Case in point, GM.  Just look at GM and how well they are doing post-bailout!

How about how well ObamaNation is running the government, since entering the Era of I Inherited This Mess?

$1T spent, outrageous deficits, unemployment rivaling the Carter administration, home foreclosures at an all time high, well I’m going out to buy US bonds right now! 

Like I said, this plan is as BRILLIANT, as its author!

Here’s the wrap:

Obama felt that he had comforted Americans in his new financial reform, saying this reform “will not stifle power, but bring sensible, predictable models of success into the free marketplace.”  Everybody knows how well the government predicts models.  Just look at the prediction of the cost of the War on Poverty!  $11T spent, and the Fed predicted that we will keep poverty on the frickin’ run!

And then there is the prediction for the War on Drugs!  Do I need to tell you how successful this has been? Prediction: We will keep drugs on the frickin’ run!

The Department of Energy, began in 1977 to “lessen America’s dependence on foreign oil.” 16,000+ employees and 100,000 consultants, $500B in spending, and look where we are…we have foreign oil on the frickin’ run, AND we have LOTS of new government jobs!

All this reckless risk-taking by the private sector is silly, when there is a government bureaucracy at the ready!

I don’t know about you, but I can see Obama’s vision for America!  It sort of reminds me of the Soviet Union…during the good times? 

Like I said, “I smell a rat!”

That’s my rant!

© 2010 Kevin Jackson – The Black Sphere All Rights Reserved

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