I feel strangely and excitedly enlightened today, and it was the NAACP who has shown me that light! What an exciting time white folk live in! Just when I thought that all hope of being gloriously guilt free in their racism had been squashed by such things as decency and common sense, the NAACP has shown us how. Yes, you too can be free from the shackles of political correctness, free to be as racist as you want to be. All you must do is declare that you are a Democrat!
As a Democrat, you now have carte blanche to say whatever messed up, incoherent, dismissive, and racist comment you can mutter; and you don’t even have to say you were drunk, Mel Gibson!
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Imagine being an entrenched member of the KKK, using that association proudly to get elected to the Senate, where you get to bring that ideology, unchallenged! Filibuster the Civil Rights act? No problem, just apologize, say that you did what you did for political expediency. And when you die, expects a hero’s burial, and even those you oppressed will be there to say nice things about you. You’re a Democrat silly—no harm no foul. Ahhh, the freedom!
If you have the temerity to simply not be racist, to take people of all colours and sexes as they are, based on the content of their character, well then you are quite simply a racist moron, bucking for punishment. Declare quickly, “I’m a Democrat!” Poof…all is forgiven.
If you don’t care what color someone is when you agree with them or disagree with them, you reek of racism! For shame! Protest Big Government at Tea Parties, now you have crossed the line, and are an obvious glutton for punishment. Big Government was set up for people of color, and you want to take their handouts away from them. Racist! Stop being a putz and start thinking like a Democrat!
Why give non-whites the hope of the Constitution, when there is the “hope on steroids” available for free and from a black man. Reparations for all, even those who can’t spell slavery. See how easy this is!
Since the current administration is presided over by a half black man, being a Democrat is more chic than ever, actually quite the Democrat accessory. But don’t stop there with just racist white guilt! Discuss openly your hatred of the military, kick military recruiters off your Ivy League campus, say you want to destroy capitalism and regulate Big “Insert Industry Here,” and you get extra cool points! You might even get to be a Supreme Court justice! If you happen to be androgynous, all the better, especially if you lean Lesbian.
But you want to really curry favor?! Here’s what you do. Praise Barack Obama for being light-skinned and not having a “Negro dialect,” and your dance card is full! Bonus if it leaks out on national TV!
Don’t consider your political career dead, because the Progressive troops will rally around you.
NAACP Senior Vice President for Advocacy Hilary Shelton will say of you to Fox news and blog on the NAACP site that your comments are
“awkward but not inherently offensive”–that “[sic] you are someone who has always scored an ‘A’ on the NAACP’s legislative report card.”
Look at that, you will be given an A! That’s better than a B+! And certainly better than the F you would have gotten if you were a Republican!
Get appointed as a Democrat Senator and that’s an appointment for life, yes better than being on the Supreme Court!
Again I sense that you want to shoot for higher, don’t you?! You over-achiever! Ok, here’s how you do it.
Praise Barack Obama for being,
“…the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean,” and well you might just get to be Vice-President!
Implying that black people are dirty when you are Democrat…hey everybody gets dirty, right! Don’t sweat black people, because as a Senior VP of SEIU said,
“We have the blacks in check.”
Just in case however, to seal the deal for VP, just demean Pakistani people saying only they can go in a 7-Eleven, and remember to say something stupid during one of those crises of the mouth your boss man is prone to have and you’re golden.
The NAACP has lots of free passes for Democrats. Any record of racism can be expunged, if you’re a Democrat. You now have permission to be a cross-burning, business-hating, military-bashing, pedophile-loving, patriot-detesting, racist elitist! And the NAACP is on a membership drive. But stay away from Tea Parties.