Over the past four years, Barack Obama’s mug has become the landing strip of choice for a multitude of houseflies, which makes one wonder: Is Barack Obama a human flytrap? The question is a valid one because evidently there’s something so appealing about the President that if he is in a crowd with a lone housefly, the attraction is so strong – for the fly at least – that it’s like Obama’s the only one in the room
Even domestic houseflies that don’t live at the White House spend their short lives in constant search of food, and common fly favorites are feces, oil, and rotting flesh.
The flies-love-feces part of the equation is important to consider when pondering why it is that Barack Obama exerts such a strong pull on White House-based musca domestica. After all, by now, most Americans are well aware that the President is full of…oh never mind.
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A disease-carrying fly’s job is to hone in on a food source, vomit on it to make it edible, slurp it through its straw-like tongue, and then prepare a microscopic nest of feces into which eggs that hatch into maggots are deposited.
Hard to believe all that is taking place on Obama’s face while he haughtily reads off a Teleprompter at a press conference.
Based on the housefly’s pattern of scavenge/land-on-a-dung-heap/vomit/eat/defecate, the East Room flies that have settled on the President’s forehead, brushed his cheek, and occasionally lingered on his lower lip probably left behind remnants of what Bo the family dog dropped out back behind the compost heap that fertilizes Michelle’s organic vegetable garden.
Moreover, not only do flies repeatedly land on Barackzebub’s face, but also the sizable ones that do are stiff competition for the large mole that resides beside his left nostril. For lack of a better explanation than Obama being a literal flytrap, flies could be hovering around in search of romance only to find out that the object of their affection is nothing more than a mole.
The stalking started during a 2008 campaign appearance when fledgling presidential candidate Barack Obama had to cut an interview short due to swarming flies.
In 2009 during a post-inaugural interview, a pesky fly looped around the President’s chair. That time, Obama impressed everyone, especially himself, when he slapped the fly out of the air on camera, stopping just shy of revealing his inner self by flicking out his sticky tongue and grabbing hold of the flying insect.
Then in 2010, while in the process of shoving an Obamacare nasogastric feeding tube down America’s collective esophagus, another fly showed up and buzzed all around the President’s head. That one even landed on his lip and cheek, leaving behind God knows what, blasted off after being shooed away, circled around a few more times, and landed again.
Recently, far from the plague of park-and-poop houseflies, a glamorous Michelle, dressed in a Kool-aid-colored Jason Wu, and Barry, all spiffy in white tie and Hart Schaffner Marx, danced it up at a fly-free Inaugural Ball.
Sadly, freedom from fly frustration was short lived, because just a few days later, while making the second-term announcement that Mary Jo White would head the SEC and Richard Cordray the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, a famished housefly landed on the warm, brackish, buffet table known as Barack Obama’s forehead.
That particular critter proceeded to “menace” the President persisting for the full five minutes. Finally, an irritated Obama said “This guy is bothering me here,” which ironically is sort of the same affect cool fly guy Barack Obama has on half of America.
Even still, with all due respect, every effort should be made to avoid casting aspersions on the President’s character or to imply that filthy flies are drawn to Obama for purely organic reasons. Therefore, unless God is pouring out Old Testament judgment on America by sending in flies to swarm around the President’s head, the fly problem could be nature sending America a message that political carnivore Barack Obama attracts flies because he really is a human flytrap.
Think about it – in 2008 the “very attractive” Obama lured both flies and foragers with words that oozed with the sweet nectar of government-provided entitlements, which is similar to how an actual flytrap operates.
Millions believed that the heady elixir the President offered was free. That’s why, in response to the promise of unattainable fairness and utopian-style equality, a wave of “Hope and Change” scavengers rushed into Barack Obama’s alluring snare. The difference is that the real flies that intermittently land on the President’s face have thus far been smart enough to fly away before the “jaws of death ” snapped shut; American voters, on the other hand, are neither as smart nor as lucky.