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‘Fried Fat Cakes’ Michelle establishes ‘No Fry Zones’

Michelle ‘Fried Fat Cakes’ Obama is now monitoring frying pans, deep fryers, turkey fryers, and commercial fryers in both schools and churches.  It appears the quest to do away with ‘food desserts’ has given way to ‘no-fry zones.’  After all, it takes a woman who really enjoys fried onion rings to make sure that no one else does.

Unlike his wife, the President avoids fried Twinkies at state fairs, but he has been known to enjoy a corndog or two on occasion.  Although the President also steers clear of racist Whole Foods organic chicken, he has openly indulged in non-racist fried chicken, not to mention Indonesian fried ‘rintek wuuk,’ and much like Michelle has been caught tucking into piles of crispy French fries.

It’s Michelle Obama who pretends that all she eats is vegetables.  However, based on her hale-and-hearty physique of late, it’s obvious that’s not all she eats. Nevertheless, and despite her own lack of moderation, Mrs. Obama seems to feel she has somehow earned the right to decide how much of a good thing is too much for us.

First Michelle addressed sugar, breastfeeding, and soda. Leaving no stone unturned, now she’s venturing into fried food territory by dictating to schools and advising churches that fried foods should be anathema.

Visiting an elementary school in Clinton, Mississippi, Michelle Obama applauded the state school system for complying with her “Let’s Move” interdiction that advocates calorific fare be barred from the lunchroom choices.

Appearing with Rachael “Mile-High Lasagna” Ray, Michelle Obama told the ravenous children, “Your schools did hard work.  They replaced their fryers with steamers.”  It’s unclear whether or not the calorie-starved children had the energy to clap in response to her comments, or whether they were fed before being asked to lug the fryers out to the dumpster.

Either way, Michelle, unlike the children, must have had something more than three string beans, a glass of water and 14 chickpeas for lunch, because the switching-out of fryers for steamers elicited an energetic “Hallelujah!” from the normally secular first lady.

Then, Mrs. Obama, in a public school setting, commended faith communities and churches for their hard work, citing some groups who’ve “declared their congregations ‘no-fry zones’ where only healthy food was allowed.”

Taking credit for results that weren’t the product of her efforts, Obama proudly remarked, “With all those people stepping up, the results of these efforts speak for themselves.” What Mrs. Obama forgot to mention was that moving the fryers out of the lunchroom in 2013 had nothing to do with the dropping childhood obesity rate in the corpulent state of Mississippi.

The truth is this: “Statewide, Mississippi, which is among the heaviest states in the U.S. with a childhood obesity rate hovering around 41%, reported a 13.3% drop” between 2007 and 2011. She must have also forgotten to mention the fact that “Let’s Move!” wasn’t launched until 2010.

Nonetheless, Mrs. Obama should give credit to her husband, because future weight loss will likely have more to do with being unable to buy groceries, being forced to walk because gasoline is too expensive, and experiencing high levels of fat-busting stress.

And while public schools who receive funding from the government are beholden to USDA guidelines for steamer-over-fryer demands, churches, where they hang crucifixes that Barack Obama would rather be covered up, should not have to comply with any of Michelle’s supportive suggestions on how to curtail adipose.

To sum up, in the name of upholding the so-called ‘right to choose,’ church organizations that would choose to not provide insurance to employees who want to exercise their ‘right to choose’ are being forced to provide coverage for them anyway. Then, to add  insult to injury, if that same church group chooses to have a covered-dish dinner that features fried chicken, Michelle Obama is apparently more than comfortable advising them that fried chicken is not something they should choose to eat.

Clearly, in Michelle’s economy, eating fried chicken is much worse than aborting babies.  And forcing religious institutions to submit to anti-Biblical insurance mandates is on par with insisting that people of faith ditch parish-sponsored Lenten fish fries.

And so as ‘no-fry zones’ expand to encompass everything from chicken-fried steak to fried mozzarella sticks, it’s good to know that none of those limitations will apply to the woman establishing them, which should evoke another church-worthy “Hallelujah!” from shrimp-frying Michelle Obama.

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