Hilarious – Headlines from the Year 2059

By
Media Team
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The crazy direction our society is heading, these could very well be the headlines in 46 years!

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Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California .   

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White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia’s third language.  

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Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.  

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Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.

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Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

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Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.  

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France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica . No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!  

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Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking. 

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George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2060.  

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Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only. 

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85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss. 

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Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs. 

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Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba.

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Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut. 

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Abortion clinics now available in every High School in United States .

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Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.

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Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

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Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights. 

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A Couple Finally Had Sexual Harmony…They Had simultaneous Headaches.  

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Average height of NBA players is now nine feet seven inches with only 3 illegitimate children.   

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New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2060.  

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IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

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Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines.

 

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