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The Anointed One’s Ten Commandments

“I have wondered at times,” Ronald Reagan reportedly mused, “what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress.”

I think it’s a fair assessment to say that if the Ten Commandments passed through the gristmill of today’s Congress, the Senate would refuse to take them up for consideration, and then would blame the Republican House for obstructing God’s business. In the House, the Ten Commandments would be seen as a set of proposals to begin negotiations. A good first start, but clearly in need of changes. The House Dems would propose amendments and we’d be left with vastly more than ten commandments.

We’d end up with two thousand pages of commandments that must be passed before knowing what they are. Running the Ten Commandments through Congress would prove messy — sorta like Reagan’s proverbial comparison of governments and babies: both have “an alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.”

Perhaps we ought to alter Reagan’s thought-exercise and wonder what the Ten Commandments would look like if we ran them past Barack Obama. After all, the original commandments were written by the finger of God, and Obama, if his supporters are to be believed, is America’s “Anointed One” — the Messiah. So how would Obama write — or rewrite — the Ten Commandments? Maybe something like this:

  1. I am thy president, who brought thee out of the land of the free, out of the house of plenty. Thou shalt not have any other president before me.
  2. Thou shalt not look to any other president, whether in the past or the future, for I am the change thou hast been looking for, visiting the nation’s debt upon the third and fourth generation.
  3. Thou shalt not take the name of Obama in vain. Thou shalt not call me Barry, for Barack is my name. I shalt not withhold the IRS nor drones from thee, who refuse to address me as The Chosen One.
  4. Remember my golf days, to keep them holy, as well as Michelle’s vacations and Bo’s trips to PetCo.
  5. Honor thy father, me, and thy mother, Michelle, so that thy days on welfare and ObamaCare may be long, and the food stamps with which thy president gives thee may increase.
  6. Thou shalt not kill, unless it is Islamic terrorists, Americans on foreign soil without due process, or thy innocent children in thy womb.
  7. Thou shalt not commit adultery, unless thy find a pretty woman and thou canst help thyself or thou are in a same-sex union and it being a part of thy lifestyle. (Being a faithfully married himself, Obama sought the advice of Bill Clinton on this command. Clinton wanted to also add “unless she be a White House intern” — thankfully, Obama vetoed that idea.)
  8. Thou shalt not steal, unless of course thou art an employee of the federal government, then thou shalt pick clean the pockets of every American tax payer and the piggy banks of every American child.
  9. Thou shalt not bear false witness, unless thou art a liberal in office or a liberal running for office, then thou shalt call thy opponent’s party or thy opponent a dirty, low down, rotten, stinkin’ stick-in-the-mud — or any other lie, slander, or scandalmongering thou canst think of.
  10. Thou shalt not covet, unless thou art a minority, the poor, or a member of a union, then thou shalt demand reparations from the  majority, the redistribution of the wealthy, and the capitulation of thy company.

And all of Obama’s people said, Amen!

I invite you to follow me on Twitter @derrickjeter.

If you liked this article you can find more at derrickjeter.com, where you will also find information about my books, O America! A Manifesto on Liberty, A 911 for 9/11: Finding Answers to the Evil of September 11, 2001, and Our Day of Dependence: A History Lesson from Thanksgiving.

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