BREAKING NEWS: Kevin Jackson comes out “I’m NOT GAY”

For Immediate Release:




(ST. LOUIS, MO) On the heels of the Jason Collins announcement, Kevin Jackson announced today that he is NOT gay. Not since Jerry Seinfeld has a public figure officially announced that they are NOT gay, so this is BIG NEWS.

Asked why he is making the announcement now, Jackson commented:

“Well it’s time. Since I have 4 sons, people were beginning to suspect anyway. Further I have been spotted holding hands with a woman.”

Asked if he believes the announcement will change his life, Jackson opined:

“Who knows how revelations like this will impact a person? But it can’t be any worse than being a relatively unknown basketball player whose career was waning. If Jason Collins can come out gay, I think the timing was good to come out NOT gay. Will Ellen call me? Probably not. Will Barack call? Doubtful. But I’m prepared to deal with the disappointment.”

Jackson seemed to realize that coming out as heterosexual has many pitfalls, as he indicated in this comment:

“I can see the road ahead as difficult. I will never have a show on the Liftetime channel; and let’s face it, my fashion sense will suffer.”

Herman Cain is rumored to have called Jackson, saying “That Kevin is courageous. I should have put him on my ticket as VP!”

Other notable Conservatives are rumored to have spoken out about Jackson as well, like this rumored comment by RNC Chairman Reince Preibus:

“Well I believe Kevin came out as black a few years ago, and I thought that at the time, that was the most courageous thing I had ever seen. But this…it’s even more courageous. It just goes to show you that the Conservative movement is about courage.”

Being black ain’t easy. Being a black Conservative…well that’s a recipe for disaster. But not for the courageous Kevin Jackson.

It is rumored that George W. Bush may call to congratulate Kevin Jackson on his “courage.”


About: Kevin Jackson

Kevin Jackson is a humorist, and national speaker on race and class. He has a syndicated radio show, and is an Amazon best-selling author. He has 4 sons, and he is NOT gay!


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