Glazed Donut Recklessness

On June 7th, which is “National Donut Day,” the “Glazed Donut Breakfast Sandwich,” which consists of two rubbery fried eggs, a piece of over processed cheese, and a couple of pieces of overcooked bacon tucked between two halves of a sticky, gooey glazed doughnut, is coming to Dunkin’ Donuts shops all over New York City. 

The salty/sweet/porky/sunny side up-wich gives new meaning to “America Runs on Dunkin’” because, considering the odd mix of fixins, a more appropriate jingle might be America Gets the Runs on Dunkin’.

Couple Joe Biden’s 2006 remark to an Indian-American man that “You cannot go to a 7-11 or a Dunkin’ Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent…. I’m not joking,” together with the fact that 20-40% of Indian people consider themselves vegetarian, and it’s shocking that Dunkin’ Donuts has decided to attempt to increase profits by mimicking Food Network southern cooking queen Paula Deen’s “Lady’s Brunch Sandwich.”

The new breakfast sandwich is reminiscent of Paula’s famous Krispy Kreme donut, hamburger, bacon and fried egg sandwich that she whipped up to feed her lady friends at brunch meetins’.  Of late, because of giving herself Type II diabetes, y’all, Paula has had to pass on the “Lady’s Brunch Sandwich” or else she would have passed on herself an’ all.

Stan Frankenthaler, executive chef and vice president of product innovation at Dunkin’ Donuts, claims that D & D is open to offering as much variety as possible.  Therefore, if customers want their eggs on a Jelly or Blueberry Cake Donut, Frankenthaler said, “I’m sure the store will do that for you.” For those who prefer a creamier edition, a Bavarian Cream Donut with egg and bacon would probably be a drippy hit.

There is a problem, because despite the anticipatory buzz, when Mama Obama catches wind of the plan she won’t be pleased.  So before the sandwich goes national and after sampling a few herself, Michelle (a personal fan of fried fat cakes) will likely put her head together with Nanny Bloomberg.

The duo will have to come up with a strategy to thwart the franchise’s plan to offer the heart-clogger to Americans who, at least in NYC, for their own good, are still prohibited from washing down the Breakfast of Stent Candidates with 32-ounce soft drinks.

Nonetheless, if the politically incorrect  breakfast sandwich provides the sugar/fat rush Dunkin’ Donuts fans are craving, it will be interesting to see multilingual Mayor Michael El Bloombito attempt to shut the sandwich down.

And more fun as the Mayor, in Hindi, explains to confused franchise owners why they will be hauled off to donut jail if they insist on selling the unhealthy “Glazed Donut Breakfast Sandwich.”

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