Some of the funniest New Year’s quotes…
“My New Year’s resolution for 2010? I will be less laz.”— Jim Gaffigan
“Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits.”— Anonymous
“Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self-assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and, ultimately, reinforces humility. Breaking them is part of the cycle.”— Eric Zorn
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“It goes Christmas, New Year’s Eve, and Valentine’s Day. Is that fair to anyone who’s alone? If you didn’t get around to killing yourself on Christmas or New Year’s, boom, there’s Valentine’s Day for you. There should be a holiday after Valentine’s Day called ‘Are you still here?’”— Laura Kightlinger
“Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you’ve met your New Year’s resolution.”— Jay Leno
“The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to.”— P. J. O’Rourke
“And now we welcome the New Year, full of things that have never been.”— Rainer Maria Rilke
“May the New Year bring you courage to break your resolutions early! My own plan is to swear off every kind of virtue, so that I triumph even when I fall!”— Aleister Crowley, “Moonchild”
“I would say happy New Year but it’s not happy; it’s exactly the same as last year except colder.”— Robert Clark
“I wish I didn’t watch [Dick Clark] because New Year’s Eve is that one little time when you get to suspend the disbelief that next year is going to be crap. You forget about it! You look at the person next to you and kiss them and say “Happy New year!” and you have a moment of happiness. I don’t wan to be reminded at that exact moment of my own mortality.”—John Bowman
Got a favorite quote? Put it in the comments!
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