Scrooge’s Revenge: an Ode to “Bah Humbug”

Hate to splash cold reality on everyone’s annual bout of temporary hysteria, but contrary to popular opinion, this is not as Andy Williams crooned, “the most wonderful time of the year.”

It’s cold and it’s going to get colder; and to top it off, the daily commute sucks. I know, there is the snow. A few hours of pristine beauty followed by dirty black ugliness, treacherous icy conditions, and vehicle corrosion.

Then there is the shoveling. If this is supposed to be a time for all of us to rest, recuperate, and take stock of the year past in preparation for the one coming, we’re doing it wrong.

The dreadful season of Christmas is compounded with the real problem: the people. Like the flag waving patriotism we continue to crave in a post-Constitutional America, the tidings of cheer and goodwill towards men rings hollow, as it no longer has any basis in reality.

Bill O’Reilly and company will have good ratings as usual with the “War on Christmas” stories, which appeal to the large portion of his audience that only gets visited by their family during this time. The War on Christmas isn’t entirely without merit. Despite whatever transgressions Christians may have committed in the past, it’s abundantly clear to me that atheists are the biggest condescending jerks today. And hypocritical, to boot.

Atheist may tell you your cherished beliefs are make believe during the holidays, but they still want the time off work and the Christmas (call them whatever you want) presents. For them, it’s a war on Christianity, not Christmas, or is it X-mas.

It truly is the time of Scrooge’s revenge. In the infamous tale his greed made him despise Christmas. But in this day and age Scrooge would be the least greedy person during the season, muttering “bah humbug” as people assault each other in stores to get another piece of overpriced plastic for their spoiled brat kids… in honor of Jesus. The left might scoff at it as caused by Capitalism, but the free market espouses personal responsibility, not mindless consumerism.

The complete lack of Biblical precedence for celebrating Christ’s birth on an incorrect date aside, you might be surprised at Christmas’s history. It was actually cancelled in England in 1645 in order to combat, believe it or not, decadence. That’s right, 200 years before Dickens penned the story we all know, Christmas was viewed as a source of indecency in England. And looking around today I believe it. Our Founders thought Christmas was so important Congress was in session December 25th, 1789. Yeah, that would totally happen now.

So for believers in Christ, what’s so Christian about Christmas? Does it embody the Holy Spirit? How much debt will be racked up this holiday season? How many obscenities will be directed at other angry drivers on busy roads in lousy conditions? How many will have a few too many egg bogs because of that one idiot relative who brings the same DNC talking points for arguing with your “republican uncle” that they put out every Thanksgiving? Truth is, as fun as Christmas is supposed to be, if we’re totally honest with ourselves how many of us are secretly dreading it?

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