Slime Mold: There is Hope for Liberals

Just when I’m about ready to give up, science and Nature combine to give me a ray of hope for braindead morons known as Liberals or Progressives.

As I learned in an article from the Washington Post, even the brainless slimeball call learn!

Never in nature has a creature been more poorly served by its name than the lowly slime mold.

“Slime mold.” Sounds boring, right? Maybe a little gross? Maybe like you’d rather not be thinking about it right now, or ever?

Well, friends, prepare to be amazed. The slime mold is way, way more impressive than you think.

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Take, for example, the Physarum polycephalum, or “many-headed slime” (a much better name, by the way). It’s a single-celled organism with no brain to speak of, but it’s capable of solving mazes, maintaining a balanced diet, and even “designing” an efficient railway system.

It’s also capable of learning something new, researchers report this week in the journal Proceedings of the Royal Society B — a discovery that might help change our notion of what intelligence really means.

That’s has to make Conservatives feel good! If the lowly slime can work its way through a maze, surely there is a chance for Liberals. Let’s help them find a railway system to the light of Conservatism.

The article goes on to explain the problem that Liberals have with learning and comprehension:

Learning “is something that we thought was very complicated,” said lead author Romain Boisseau, a behavioral ecology student at the Ecole Normale Supérieure in Paris. “You know, it requires a lot of neurons and connections and a brain.”

The KEY is don’t give up. I have asked every Conservative to work with at least one Liberal between now and election time, and we can end the madness!


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