FBI Arrests Wife of Shooter: Guilt By Association

The FBI is finally cracking down on those involved second-hand in the mass shootings terrorizing our country. Most recently, authorities arrested Noor Salman, wife of Orlando shooter Omar Mateen.  It’s about time we hold people accountable for ignoring the crazy around them.

In June, Mateen walked into Oralando’s Pulse Nightclub. He open fired, killing 49  people. During his reign of terror, Mateen called police and proclaimed his allegiance to the Islamic State. He has time to squeeze in a few texts with his wife, Noor Salman. After negotiations faltered, police fatally shot Mateen.


I’m sure many of you are shocked to learn this terrorist is yet another Islamic radical.

Even more surprising, he went to the University of Fanatics online. Apparently they offer a free education. In lieu of student loans, one can just become a suicide bomber. At least his colleagues raised suspicions. When he went around bragging about his ties to Al Qaeda, they reported him. Unfortunately, without further collaboration, the FBI was unable to validate any charges against him. They spent 10 months investigating. I’m not sure how they missed that boat, but Salman could’ve helped out just a little bit. “Hey, you in the surveillance van- my  husband just got another AK-47 and 27 boxes of ammunition. Should I be worried?”

Remember when your parents taught you to choose your friends wisely? I do. My mom was always reminding me that if my friends were shoplifting at the mall, I was going down with them. Perhaps the parents of Noor Salman skipped over that lesson. And Salman skipped the shoplifters and went straight for the mass murderer.

While thirty is usually a good year, it looks like Salman will spend it sorting out her legal woes.

Salman is known to have been with her husband to the club on at least one occasion before the shooting. However, she maintained an air of innocence when speaking to the press in the weeks after the ordeal. “I was unaware of everything,” she told the New York Times. “I don’t condone what he has done. I am very sorry for what has happened. He has hurt a lot of people.” Salman went on to say that she was also the victim of domestic violence.

Here’s where Salman doesn’t know how to put two and two together. Her husband was a violent man who beat her. He went to a club to buy ammunition. She thought nothing of it. Anyone else doing the math there?

Noor Salman, wife of Shooter Omar Mateen

Sadly, Salman has a young son with Mateen.  This poor kid better hope for foster care considering his grandparents raised a terrorist and a criminally negligent imbecile. Friends describe Salman as friendly, outgoing, and stylish. However, her upcoming jail time isn’t likely to land her a role in Orange is the New Black.

These seemingly innocent by-standers can no longer get away with doing nothing. Dylan Roof plead guilty earlier this year to charges after admitting that he heard Joey Meek say he was going to church to “do something crazy”. Meek then went into a Charleston, S.C. church and shot nine black congregation members.

So let’s break this down.

If your boyfriend keeps a bunch of secrets, knocks you around, and then buys a whole lot of ammunition- call the police. He’s going to shoot you or someone else. If your roommate says he’s gonna do something crazy and it doesn’t involve jello shots, call the police. Don’t just sit back and let people hide their crazy, or you might just find yourself on the other end of an FBI probe.

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