Epic Fail: Pepsi Announces Lady Doritos

Did Pepsi miss the memo on gender equality?

The company recently announced a new product: Lady Doritos. As it turns out, Lady Doritos admittedly don’t pack the same punch as their male counterparts. 

It all started with a little taste profiling, according to Pepsi’s CEO, who, by the way, is a woman.

As Time Magazine reported:

In an interview with Freakonomics, PepsiCo CEO Indra Nooyi commented on the ways that consumer insights about gender differences are driving product development in the world of Doritos. Women, Nooyi suggested, “don’t like to crunch too loudly in public. And they don’t lick their fingers generously and they don’t like to pour the little broken pieces and the flavor into their mouth.”

The company’s answer? The brand has been working on developing chips that are “low-crunch” with the same “taste profile,” but with less of the flavor sticking to fingers. “And how can you put it in a purse?” Nooyi mused; apparently the current chip bags aren’t cutting it for the handbag wielders of the world. “Because,” she said, “women love to carry a snack in their purse.”

Imagine that. Women carrying chips that crumble even easier in a purse full of gadgets? Why didn’t Pepsi just make “Lady Crumbs”, unless they thought that might confuse Nancy Pelosi?

For the record, if women are willing to wear vagina hats, I suspect they aren’t too worried about what their Doritos’ crunch will convey to the public about them.

I can hear  Colonel Jessup of A Few Good Men saying to Lt. Commander Joanne Galloway (played by Demi Moore): “YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE CRUNCH!”, as he eats a big bag of Cool Ranch Doritos.

Burning Questions

Obviously, the creation of Lady Doritos creates burning questions. For example, how do these new Doritos compare in price?

One might argue that the less-crunchy Doritos are in fact weaker than their male Doritos counterparts. Thus, are they cheaper? Because cheaper Lady Doritos would help equal out that wage disparity between men and women, particularly if Lady Doritos cost $0.72 on the dollar of “real” Doritos.

Further, less expensive Lady Doritos would be fitting, given that women don’t have to work as hard to eat them. And the coup de gras, women have less clean up, since the little delicacies don’t leave as much coloring on the fingertips.

Another point to ponder: can men buy Lady Doritos?

And if men can indeed purchase the “lady” version of the Dorito delicacies, will men be ‘man-shamed’ if they buy (or eat) them?

Honestly, I’m picturing an all-out snack war in my house. We have five boys and two girls. How long will it take the boys to start eating the Lady Doritos when they’ve depleted the male chip supply? You know how men are, right Ladies?

Perhaps the most controversial aspect of Lady Doritos is how will the LGBTQ community handle the new development in the Doritos world?

Will we have issues around transgender people purchasing Lady Doritos? For example, will cashiers be required to check people’s genitalia in order to authorize the purchase? I see no real problem with men-to-women transgender, but what of women-to-men? Can Chaz Bono buy Lady Doritos? Or will he have his significant other make the purchase so he can eat them in the bathroom at Target?

Imagine the new dilemma for Taco Bell. Will the Doritos Taco be made from Lady Doritos or “Man” Doritos? If Taco Bell continues to use “Man” Doritos, are they being misogynists? After all, when they launched the product, they had no idea there would be gender issues.

As you can see, Lady Doritos is not as simple a concept as one might think, thanks to Leftists. But luckily, the internet backlash killed this idea.

Dead in the Water

Pepsi quickly back-paddled. In fact, they chalk the whole thing up to a misunderstanding.

In a statement earlier, Pepsi Co said:

“The reporting on a specific Doritos product for female consumers is inaccurate,” PepsiCo told ABC News in a statement. “We already have Doritos for women — they’re called Doritos, and they’re enjoyed by millions of people every day. At the same time, we know needs and preferences continue to evolve and we’re always looking for new ways to engage and delight our consumers.”

Engage and delight? More like divide and piss off?

Doritos figured things out and reported it on Twitter.

We already have Doritos for women — they’re called Doritos, and they’re loved by millions.

— Doritos (@Doritos) February 6, 2018

You have to wonder how much money was spent for Pepsi to come to this conclusion.

Their delicious snack isn’t misogynistic at all. Thus, it can be enjoyed by women as it had been for DECADES!

Remember the LGBTQ Doritos? No, and neither do the LGBTQ. They weren’t fooled to believe that their Doritos were actually “gay”.

Relax — PepsiCo says 'Lady Doritos' (for delicate folks who sniff at the crunch) are not being developed. https://t.co/joDWkWrMv1 pic.twitter.com/JdE5ApPZQa

— Ad Age (@adage) February 6, 2018

Pepsi spent quite a bit of time putting out this fire.

Can you imagine if all companies think like this? Coke for Women. Kit Kat for Women. Tide for Women. Scratch that one.

What a world Leftists have given us.

So the countdown begins. How long it will take Doritos to replace their Lady CEO?

She had to have green-lighted this silly concept. Isn’t that what women CEOs are supposed to do? Offer stupid “innovations” to tried and true successful products. It’s clear that Pepsi’s female CEO doesn’t like to get her hands dirty, at least not with Doritos orange dye #37.