DANGER: Holding in Farts Causes Progressivism

Science has a funny way of explaining how one might avoid becoming a dreaded Progressive.

For example, I saw a story recently about drinking cockroach milk. I know, right.

Marie Claire posted the article. And the story referenced how people pursue new beauty treatments.

You know this story arose due to some dumb ass Democrat with too much time on his or her hands. One of those assclowns looked at a roach and decided to milk it. Worse yet, drink that crap.

Scientists work feverishly to determine what causes people to lose their minds and become “Progressives” who eat bird-spit soup and pay $100 a cup for monkey-butt-coffee-bean lattes. And they may be circling in on another reason.


In news from Australia, we learn that holding in a fart can cause Leftism.

Have you ever held in a fart to save face? Chances are, if you’re honest, the answer to that question is a yes.

But, what you’re about to read might make you think twice next time you feel that build up of gas in your tummy.

Because holding a fart in won’t just leave you feeling uncomfortable — it could end up in you breathing the fart out your mouth instead.

That’s according to Professor Clare Collins, a nutrition and dietetics expert at the University of Newcastle.

Writing for The Conversation, she said holding in trapped wind could cause abdominal distension, “with some gas reabsorbed into the circulation and exhaled in your breath”.

“Holding on too long means the build-up of intestinal gas will eventually escape via an uncontrollable fart,” Prof Collins added.

And you wondered why Leftists have sh*t for brains and their breath smells like something crawled up their asses and died? You have your answer.

Aside from “stank-breath”, there are other signs to look for:

Meanwhile, she warned it could also lead to a condition called diverticulitis but pointed out the evidence wasn’t clear.

That’s where small pouches develop in the gut lining and become inflamed.

No wonder little boys are less likely to become Leftists. We grow up learning to let those farts go, even creating games like “Pull my finger!”.

Also, what legitimate young man hasn’t crop-dusted an unaware person or audience or applied a “Dutch oven” to his girlfriend while in bed?

When knew farting generously prevented “sh*t-for-brains” syndrome?! If there was anything that showcased a man’s world, it’s farting.

Women “poot”, as they are taught it’s unladylike to fart. So clearly women need to fart more to avoid the #1 terror threat to the world: Leftism. Farting very well could be a matter of national security.

No more Leftists!

So when you hear somebody spewing nonsense like Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, keep your distance. Getting inside of that verbal blast zone could send you to the emergency room.

There is at least one thing you can do.

Always keep an ample supply of Altoids on hand in case you’re likely to run into a Leftist who can’t keep her verbal sh*thole quiet. Just wait until an opportune time, and toss one of those mints right in there.




Back to top button