As I consider Joey “Fingers” Biden’s potential picks for his vice-presidential running mate, I imagine a casting call for Harvey Weinstein.
Joe Biden invites each of the candidates to his home. One by one, they are greeted by Dr. Jill Biden, his wife. She ushers each woman into an anteroom near the office of Creepy–Jill’s pet name for her husband.
The women sit huddled, giddy at the possibility of getting cast for the role of VP. They openly discuss why they hadn’t been called individually versus the cattle call. Finally the women surmise that they are all such qualified candidates, the former VP wanted them to see the competition they would face.
A-games ready, the women sit poised for their interviews.
After a few minutes Jill reappears and invites Creepy’s first victim candidate to meet with the former VP.
Upon entering Biden’s office, the woman is greeted by Captain Demento in just his robe and black tube socks. With a sh*t-eating grin, Biden declares that he’s just finished showering, and apologizes for the informality. He says, “Barack and I had a close relationship, and I’d like to have the same with my VP”.
As Jill closes the door behind her, Creepy rushes to the rear of the candidate and begins his “interview”.
At least that’s how I imagine things. So let’s take a look at women in the anteroom, shall we?
Joe Biden has vowed to choose a woman as his running mate if he actually makes it as the Democratic presidential nominee. Odds are not necessarily in his favor, but he’s the only choice presently.
Factors influencing Biden would be age, ideology, race, experience and geography. And you could throw in a few intangibles, like the ability to keep one’s mouth shut when Joey Fingers shows up? Thus, topping the list is Kamala Harris.
1. Kamala Harris
Kamala Harris ascended the political ladder the old fashioned way: she slept her way to the top. Thus, she is a good VP candidate for Creepy, since she knows how things work with Democrat men.
Biden will pretend to evaluate Harris on her appeal to blacks. While most black voters, including Leftists couldn’t care less about Harris, the Congressional Black Caucus has promised to deliver the ignorant black vote, should Biden select a “woman of color”, as long as that color is black.
As one publication put it,
Key Democratic groups, as well as the powerful Rep. Jim Clyburn, D-S.C., have not been reluctant to suggest that Biden would be wise to choose a woman of color as his running mate — and one of the top names mentioned has been Harris, including by Clyburn himself.
Harris, 55, a senator from California, balances the age issue given that Biden is 77 years old. However, since both candidates suffer from dementia, she adds to that Biden baggage.
Speaking of Harris’ baggage, she has a sketchy record as a prosecutor and attorney general in California. Heavy-handed drug convictions as well as the controversial decision to prosecute parents of truant children and an appeal of a California court ruling that had declared the death penalty unconstitutional.
Harris’ judgment can rightfully be questioned.
2. Stacey Abrams
Abrams is not very attractive, but Joey Fingers doesn’t seem to care much about looks, just want. “They told me you liked me!”.
As for Abrams’ political clout, Democrats strategists (chuckle) claim Abrams is a “rising star”. Her spot on the ticket would electrify Georgia and help down-ticket as well, particularly with the Senate seats. Wishful thinking.
Like Harris, Abrams, 46 is young, no very young in comparison to Biden. Democrats theorize (wrongly), that a vile Leftist black woman would draw younger voters; perhaps even some of the Sanders voters. Because common sense tells us that Bernie Bros will be energized by Biden selecting a chubby black big government ethnocentric racist as his VP.
Would you want Abrams running the country in the event that Captain Demento became incapacitated? That’s the question voters will ask themselves about Abrams in particular, and all other Biden VP candidates.
3. Amy Klobuchar
Klobuchar would get my vote for “Most Likely to be Fingered” by Joe Biden. Not bad to look at. And her fast capitulation ahead of Super Tuesday proves she’s ready and willing to make the ultimate sacrifice.
The obvious negative against Klobuchar is her whiteness. A Hillary Clinton clone of sorts. And that may not be a good thing for Biden. While Klobuchar pretends her moderate nature would bring soft-shoe Republicans to the ticket, that dog just won’t hunt.
If you must try to find a positive, some Democrats theorize that Klobuchar might boost Biden’s prospects in the Midwest. And recent polls show that Biden needs lots of help in battleground states, many of which are in the Midwest.
Klobuchar being a moderate allows Biden to swing farther Left, his current strategy. However in the end, the two are much the same.
So, can Klobuchar bring the Midwest or the woman vote? Doubtful. But one thing is for sure, she can’t bring the black vote. And neither can our next candidate.
4. Elizabeth Warren
Elizabeth Warren is past her freshness date for Joey Fingers, but you never know. As for her political attributes, Warren, like Klobuchar, is not black. However, the Massachusetts senator reeks of progressivism. And Biden needs help with that faction of the party.
As I indicated earlier, more recently Biden shifted his campaign to appealing to the AOC crowd. And as for the VP candidates in consideration, Warren presents the best resume, by Leftist standards.
She’s lied about her heritage. Next, she used those lies to land cushy jobs in academia. That led to her senate job, and ultimately propelled her to presidential candidate. Perfect resume of “nothingness” that Leftists love.
Still, Warren fails the age and race test. At 70 years old, Warren offers no appeal to youth. A Biden-Warren ticket might be the oldest presidential ticket in history, despite Biden’s humorous attempt to call himself “a bridge” to a new generation of Democratic candidates.
5. Gretchen Whitmer
Biden might bring in the LGBTQ vote if he selects Caitlyn Jenner’s “separated at birth” sister. The Michigan governor first caught the attention of Democrats in delivering the Democratic Party response to Trump’s State of the Union address a while back. However, since then Whitmer has screwed the pooch.
Her Gestapo tactics during the lockdown tarnished her image. Now her ability to help Biden in Michigan is suspect at best. Given the results of CA-25, where the Republican won a seat held by Democrats since 1998 by 12 points, Team Biden should take notice.
At 48 Whitmer passes the age test. But again, the lack of melanin hurts her overall. And though she is a governor, her performance during the lockdown didn’t help her on the national stage.
Whitmer was right when she declared during an interview on MSNBC, “It’s not going to be me”.
There are other women mentioned as possibilities, however none with the juice of these 5 contenders. Personally, I would hate to be Captain Demento, having backed myself into this corner. What a paltry group of women to choose from. And at a time when Biden will be under tremendous pressure.
Tara Reade looms larger than life. And Biden now faces questions regarding his role in the attempted coup.
Hunter Biden remains an unpredictable liability. And there are still well-warranted concerns around Biden’s mental capacity.
The good news for Biden is his decision will eat up a news cycle. And the timing of that could be temporarily helpful to him.