Born in the USA, Ready to Run Away from Donald Trump

Springsteen, TeamKJ, KevinJackson
Image courtesy: StubHub

This just in. Bruce Springsteen is ready to leave the country if Donald Trump wins.

No surprise there. Just another name among the Hollyweird elites and washed up rockstars promising to get out of dodge.

We’ve heard this threat time and again over over the past four years. Has anyone actually left? That’s what I’d like to know.

Actually, I have a better question. How long will it take for Springsteen to come crawling back, begging Donald Trump to let him back in? Two months, three tops?

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Springsteen is rich and famous enough to get the golden treatment just about anywhere. But eventually, the newness wears off and he’ll see every country pales in comparison to Trump’s America.

But at least Springsteen has a plan.

“I love Australia,” Springsteen gushed to the Australian press. “Every time, we have nothing but good times down there. It’s always a treat to come. Love the people, love the geography, great place for motorcycle trips, it’s close to our hearts.”

He then made his prediction about the 2020 vote outcome.

“If Trump is re-elected – which he will not be; I’m predicting right now he’s gonna lose – if by some happenstance he should be, I’ll see you on the next plane.”

Glad to know he’s headed down under to recover from another Trump vivacious victory.

Of course, I’m willing to bet Trump isn’t the problem. He’s more the scapegoat. Truth be told, Springsteen is just as embarassed as the rest of the country at the alternative.

Why Biden?

Consider this for a moment. There are at least 115M people living in the US over the age of 35. Further, at least 305M people here are natural born citizens. So while I couldn’t dial down the exact statistic, let’s assume we have at least 85M people who meat the basic qualifications to become president, which are to be both a natural born citizen, at least 35 years old.

Now, let’s kick out half for not being quite smart enough to do the job. Even though Biden isn’t either. Still, we have a good 42.5M choices. We have about two million people behind bars. And now we’re down to a cool 40 million. Eight percent of the population posess felony backgrounds. Let’s assume every single one comes from our demographic. Now we have 34.5M people to consider. Let’s just disqualify half of those because they’re either a reality TV star, are followed by TMZ, or play professional sports. And we can knock out all the clergymen and the known leaders of racist organizations such as the KKK and the NAACP.

We still 30M. As of May, a Gallop poll said 30% of voters identify as Democrats. Let’s pretend we can easily extrapolate those polled across our pool of potentials. Theorectically, we’re left with ten million people that could technically be the Democrat candidate.

Out those ten million, all Democrats could come up with was Creepy Joe Biden. And that’s after the most crowded primary I’ve seen in my entire life. Democrats started with thirty or forty people who wanted the chance to take on Donald Trump. I get why they kicked out Pocahontas, Bloomberg, Bernie Sanders, and Andrew Yang, but, in the words of Joe Biden himself, c’mon man! Surely they had someone better to lean on.

The fact that Democrats stuck to Biden like glue tells me one thing. They don’t actually want to win. I bet Hillbilly Hank from Podunk Town who never read a single line of the constitution stands a better chance of unseating Trump than Joe Biden can muster.

Back to Bruce

Springsteen decided that the Trump Administration exposed America as the racist entity we are. As opposed to a country with a few racists that we were. Sure, we have racists on both sides of the aisle. But let me remind you which party is known as the party of lynching negroes.

Springsteen also referred to the Republican National Convention (RNC) as “horrific,” claiming that it was “just seeded with constant lies and total distortion of the American idea.”

“It’s heartbreaking and terrible,” he said. “The first thing is to get the Trump administration out of office and start again.”

In June, the E Street Band frontman called President Trump a “threat to our democracy,” and worried if “our democracy could stand another four years of his custodianship.”

But here’s the best part of this story. Springsteen can add his name to the list of celebrities ready to hit the road. But the joke might just be on him. Guess what the leader of Australia thinks of all this?

Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison is an avowed conservative politician and a huge fan of Donald Trump and his politics.

“There are many larger, I suppose, more powerful friends that America has, but they know they do not have a more sure and steadfast friend than Australia,” Morrison said when he arrived last year for an official visit.

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