BREAKING: When Going Postal becomes Going FedEx

Most of us have heard the term, “Going postal!”. It’s the mail service equivalent of “Allahu akbar!”.

How many times have postal employees lost it? Enough to coin the phrase. So, the US Postal Service may be quietly relieved that the 8 people killed at a mail facility doesn’t involve theirs.

According to this Politico, 8 people were killed in a shooting at FedEx.

Eight people were shot and killed in a late-night shooting at a FedEx facility in Indianapolis, and the shooter killed himself, police said.

Several other people were injured Thursday night when gunfire erupted at the facility near the Indianapolis International Airport, police spokesperson Genae Cook said.

At least four were hospitalized, including one person with critical injuries. Another two people were treated and released at the scene, she said.

Another mass shooting, and just in time for the discussion around gun control. But who is the shooter? In typical fashion, we don’t know right away.

The shooter wasn’t immediately identified, and investigators were in the process of conducting interviews and gathering information. Cook said it was too early to tell whether the shooter was an employee at the facility.

“We’re still trying to ascertain the exact reason and cause for this incident,” she said.

Really? I thought the reason was the gun?

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Politico does its typical narrative selling, as they report on the “string” of mass shootings.

It was the latest in a recent string of mass shootings across the U.S. Last month, eight people were fatally shot at massage businesses across the Atlanta area, and 10 died in gunfire at a supermarket in Boulder, Colorado.

It was at least the third mass shooting this year in Indianapolis alone. Five people, including a pregnant woman, were shot and killed in January, and a man was accused of killing three adults and a child before abducting his daughter during at argument at a home in March.

In dissecting their narrative, one should understand that the Boulder shooting was done by a disgruntled Muslim man. Also, the Atlanta shootings were committed by a deranged man making amends for his sexual addiction.

So much for blaming the gun. But what about the police?

Police were called to reports of gunfire Thursday just after 11 p.m., and officers “came in contact with (an) active shooter incident,” Cook said. The gunman later killed himself.

“The officers responded, they came in and did their job. A lot of them are trying to face this, because this is a sight that no one should have to see,” Cook said.

My bet is everybody at the FedEx facility were overjoyed to see the police, even if this perp decided to save the taxpayers money and kill himself.

A FedEx employee told NBC’s “TODAY” show that he was sitting outside the building when he heard what he initially thought was a car with engine problems. However, he soon realized the sound wasn’t a backfiring engine, but instead gunfire.

“And when I stand up, I see a man — a hooded figure — I was unable to see his face in detail however,” Levi Miller said.

Man in a hoodie? And I’m sure America wants to know: Was he wearing a MASK?!

The witness continued, saying the man had a rifle “and he started shouting, and he started firing in random directions.” But, he couldn’t tell what the gunman was yelling.

“I thought he saw me and so I immediately ducked for cover,” Miller said.

We will update, when we learn more about the hoodie-wearing (hopefully Wuflu-compliant) mass murderer.

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