Bill and Melinda Gates Divorcing

I must admit, I am surprised the Gates’ marriage lasted this long. Melinda Gates must really have a nerd fetish. Well, that or a billionaire fetish. Regardless, the marriage is over.

The lamestream news reported the story as follows:

On Monday, the pair shared a joint statement on Twitter, announcing their separation. “After a great deal of thought and a lot of work on our relationship, we have made the decision to end our marriage. Over the last 27 years, we have raised three incredible children and built a foundation that works all over the world to enable all people to lead healthy, productive lives,” they said, referring to the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, which they founded in 2000 and is now worth over $40 billion.

“We continue to share a belief in that mission and will continue our work together at the foundation, but we no longer believe we can grow together as a couple in this next phase of our lives. We ask for space and privacy for our family as we begin to navigate this new life,” they concluded in the statement.

The billionaire Microsoft co-founder, 65, and the philanthropist and former general manager at Microsoft, 56, married on the Hawaiian island of Lanai on Jan. 1, 1994. They share three children: son Rory John, 21, and daughters Phoebe Adele, 18, and Jennifer Katharine, 25.

Still, Melinda hung in there like cat hair on a wool sweater. But now it’s over. Melinda Gates said they could no longer live together. What does that mean?

Is Bill trying to put a pillow on her head while she sleeps? Or perhaps he invited Dr. Fraudci over and Melinda knew they were plotting to give her a WuFlu shot?

Who knows with billionaires.

Honestly, at their level, usually they just have their concubines and each looks the other way. So for these two to publicly split, something big likely happened.

For example, Bill could have found out that Melinda voted for Trump? Or maybe she was running a different operating system on a computer she hid in their bathroom basement?

Maybe the Gates wanted to set the record for the largest divorce? Did he consult with Jeff Bezos, the current record-holder?

Or was it Bill’s fault?

You know that kind of money changes you. While relatively “new” money, Gates had his fortune for quite some time. He’s no Rockefeller, as he’s blown by that family in wealth. So what indulgences has this guy created over 50 years of being filthy stinking rich?

You can cover up a lot of vice with that kind of coin. Midget tossing, dating only transsexual strippers, and the like. Who knows? Maybe Bill Gates is dating The Rock. Now wait, that’s not possible, because the Chinese own The Rock now.

Well, the news pales in comparison to the divorce of Prince Charles and Princess Diana. That said, I suggest Melinda not take any limo drives through tunnels for a while. You just never know. Even though Bill is the richest man in the world, it’s always cheaper to keep her.




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