After 10 likely grueling years for the lead singer of Coldplay, Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow are splitting up.
Gwyneth and Chris have taken to the Goop.com website to announce their amicable split, calling it a “Conscious Uncoupling.”
That sounds more like a obnoxious Hollyweirdo’s rationalization for a very simple term: divorce.
Gwyneth may be an authority on vintage Michael Kors and Parisian concierge service, but as is the trend in Hollyweird, Gwyneth was unable to keep her “conscious coupling” together.
For over a decade, America has been subjected to every one of little Gwyeth’s trials, tribulations, fads, and endeavors to reduce boredom, including that arcane name…thanks Blythe.
Despite being grown with two children, the pesky soon-to-be ex-Mrs. Martin reminds me of a seven-year-old who inflicts herself on her parents’ dinner guests, subjecting them to a half-hour of out-of-tune songs and tap dancing in a tutu.
Like when Paltrow recently declared that at age 41, she “has the butt of a 22-year old stripper. Sure, if a 22-year old stripper’s butt is that of a 50-year old Soviet hammer thrower. Get over yourself, Gwyneth!
And you can see that Paltrow really worked at her “conscious coupling,” as she ventured into country singing, then R&B singing with with CeeLo Green, and finally pop singing “Happy” on Glee.
After an unsuccessful stab (literally) at music, Paltrow–now a mother–doled out mothering and child-nutrition tips, wrote cookbooks, and ventured to various locales with Mario Batali in a failed culinary stint.
Finally Gwyneth settled into motherhood, and found herself best friends and then not best friends with Madonna, Beyoncé, and Cameron Diaz. Her mission was complete. It was time to “consciously uncouple.”
On her relationship with the father of children Apple and Moses, in 2011 Gwyneth told Elle magazine:
Sometimes it’s hard being with someone for a long time. We go through periods that aren’t all rosy. I always say, life is long and you never know what’s going to happen. If, God forbid, we were ever not to be together, I respect him so much as the father of my children. Like, I made such a good choice. He’s such a good dad. You can never be relaxed or smug and think, ‘I’ve got this thing.’ That’s also part of it: keeping yourself on your toes. I’m not going to take this for granted.
The reason that Chris Martin and Gwyneth ‘My Favorite Sex Position’ Paltrow are in the midst of their “conscious uncoupling” is anyone’s guess. The idea that Paltrow and the Left want to sweeten divorce by giving it a cute name is interesting, however.
They have tried to redefine marriage, divorce, and 22-year old stripper butts. Nice try!
