Would you be impressed if a horse breeding farm showcased a knock-kneed, spavined, swayback equine?
Of course not. Then why is FOX NEWS showcasing co-host of FOX & Friends, Ainsley Earhardt, purportedly as a Conservative attractant?
I say “purportedly” because if Fox wanted to sabotage Conservatives, they couldn’t be doing a better job. The intellectually deficient Ainsley Earhardt should be renamed Ainsley Airhead.
THE “JAPANESE COMMUNISTS”
To enumerate all of Earhardt’s many – all of them unforgivable – gaffes might take the print volumes of the Encyclopedia Britannica so I’ll only cite two. She once proclaimed that America in the Second World War was victorious over “the Japanese Communists”.
WHO THE F—K IS THE MERCHANT OF DEATH?
Most recently she interjected an imbecility in the breaking news about the release of basketball star Brittney Griner in exchange for the highly educated, multi-lingual, reputed international terrorist and global arms dealer, Viktor Bout. Viktor Bout is allegedly responsible for millions of deaths due to supplying arms for civil wars in Africa, the Middle East, and Latin America. When imprisoned in 2011 Bout is said to have been on the brink of selling 20 million dollars’ worth of surface-to-air-missiles to shoot down American helicopters. The former Russian military officer had amassed a fortune of over $6 billion. He is nicknamed “The Merchant of Death”. (My plumber knows all about this in great detail as he does about politics, history, and current events.)
PETER DOOCY TO THE RESCUE
With her co-hosts, the razor blade intellect Peter Doocy (whom I think President Trump should appoint White House press secretary when he gets reelected in 2024) dominating the discussion (thank God) and seasoned Brian Kilmeade adding commentary, the Fox News bimbo interjected, ”Merchant of Death sounds horrible. What is this guy accused of?”
She uttered the pronouncement with about the same astonishment as might be appropriate had she discovered a 12-foot reticulated python in her lingerie drawer. Ainsley Earhardt gives blondes worldwide a worse reputation than they already have.
Neither co-host flinched. They’re pros and I’m sure they’re inured to the inane utterances of the affirmative action vagina sitting between them. Peter Doocy didn’t miss a beat and elucidated the charges against Viktor Bout. Brian Kilmeade added further comment.
WITH FRIENDS LIKE THIS, WHO NEEDS ENEMIES?
Ainsley Earhardt is not only a laughingstock but a curse to the patriot cause. Who in the world could possibly be swayed to the cause when listening to her inane blatherings? And what credibility could her embarrassing performances lend to or increase for the Fox Network?
Let’s be analytical. It’s proven that she ain’t got what it takes intellectually. She makes women look bad and sets back career equality to the time of the Cretaceous Period when Tyrannosaurus rex roamed the earth.
THE EMPEROR’S NEW CLOTHES
She’s not beautiful. Look closely. Even with the peroxided, professionally coiffed hair, makeup artist-applied face paint, expensive on-camera clothes she can easily be relegated to the Plain Jane category.
Is there a single physical quality which might be eye-catching?
She doesn’t have mammaries which would prevent her from going through a door sideways. Her voice is not memorable. Her teeth are not spectacular.
Okay. So then what could it be that got her hired and keeps her hired?
This unequivocally justifies your and my wondering not only why then FOX Chairman of the Board and -Chief Executive Officer, Roger Ailes, hired her but long before that why was she accorded the rare glory of being hired as a television reporter BEFORE she even graduated from college???!!!
Does she have hidden talents? To be a bit more specific, did she get a field promotion on her knees as the nasty little saying in Hollywood goes about certain actresses who were unlikely cast for major movie roles? Or, to trot out my pet phrase which I originated about a certain kind of woman: might it be that “She only went to bed with two people–anyone and everyone”?
JUDGE JEANINE PIRRO
Surely there are more females who are qualified to be put on air than solely Judge Jeanine Pirro, who in addition to being brilliant, gutsy, and eloquent, is gorgeous, glamorous, has a scintillating personality, and is a fashion knockout. (Among tough, credentialed Judge Pirro’s multitude of accomplishments is her having been elected the first female District Attorney of influential Westchester County, New York.)
FOX NEWS, LISTEN UP
I have a suggestion for Fox News in these cost-cutting days. Fire Ainsley Airhead and replace her with some random, high school dropout, odd jobs-employed chick. Have the makeup, hair, and wardrobe departments go to work on her. It’ll be a win-win situation: you’d save scads of money and you wouldn’t disappoint audience expectations.
**Editor’s Note: Fox News fired Kevin Jackson for calling Christine Blasey-Ford a skank. And the network has gone downhill from there.