Britain’s latest ban on “ninja swords” would be hilarious if it weren’t so tragically misguided. In a country where knife crime claims hundreds of lives each year, the government has decided that the real public safety threat comes from—wait for it—curved blades over 50cm long.
While criminals stab people with cheap kitchen knives, British lawmakers are busy outlawing weapons last seen in 12th Century feudal Japan.
The absurdity becomes even clearer when you look at the numbers. According to the Office for National Statistics, there were 282 homicides involving knives or sharp instruments in England and Wales in the year ending March 2023. Meanwhile, deaths from samurai swords are so rare they don’t even register in crime reports.
The same goes for nunchucks. These weapons of war have been banned since the 1970s, despite zero recorded fatalities. The UK’s obsession with banning exotic weapons is like fighting arson by outlawing lighting strikes.
This isn’t about public safety—it’s about political theater.
When faced with rising violent crime, British officials consistently choose the path of least resistance. They ban things that look dangerous rather than addressing the actual tools of violence. Kitchen knives, for example, are used in over 40% of all blade-related homicides, yet they remain perfectly legal. Why? Because banning them is as stupid as banning firearms and Japanese swords. It’s much easier to target the katana-collecting hobbyist or legal gun enthusiast, than the gang member carrying a £5 steak knife from Tesco or the illegal guns carried by many criminals in Britain.
The nunchuck ban of the 1970s set the precedent for this kind of performative lawmaking. Inspired more by Bruce Lee movies than real crime data, the government decided that martial arts equipment was a public menace. Never mind that nunchucks require actual skill to wield effectively—unlike, say, a hammer, which can cave in a skull with one swing and remains freely available at any hardware store. The logic is so backwards that it almost feels intentional.
Of course, none of this will stop criminals. If history has proven anything, it’s that weapon bans only disarm law-abiding citizens. The UK’s strict gun laws didn’t eliminate shootings—they just ensured that only criminals had guns. The same will happen with swords.
The black market doesn’t care about legality, and neither do violent offenders. Every nunchuck and sword-banning bureaucrat knows this. Meanwhile, collectors and martial arts practitioners will be the ones punished for owning historically significant or culturally meaningful blades; blades that I remind you have been used by no one to kill.
Americans watching this farce unfold can’t help but shake their heads.
The UK’s gradual erosion of weapon rights—from firearms to nunchucks to ninja swords. This legislation is a cautionary tale in how governments prioritize control over effectiveness. As one commentator joked,
“First they came for the ninja swords, and we laughed. Then they came for the butter knives, and suddenly it wasn’t funny anymore.”
If this trend continues, it’s only a matter of time before scissors, letter openers, and even sewing needles end up on the banned list. Eventually pool sticks, broom sticks…STICKS?
If Britain truly wants to reduce violent crime, it needs to stop chasing imaginary threats and focus on real solutions: better policing, youth outreach programs, and cracking down on the actual weapons used in crimes. And they might want to look at their growing young Muslim male population.
But those things would require political courage—something in short supply in Britain these days. These days in Britain, insanity rules, and thus it’s much easier to just ban the next scary-looking object. Sadly, Britain
So congratulations, UK. You’ve successfully protected the public from the nonexistent wave of ninja assassins. Now maybe do something about the real weapons being used to kill British citizens. Hint: it’s not the knives.
