Jimmy Kimmel’s “leave of absence” — or whatever euphemism ABC used to gently escort him off stage — is being treated by the Left like a national tragedy.
These people are out here lighting candles and tweeting out condolences… to a man they didn’t even watch.
That’s the funniest part. This isn’t grief. This is performance art. They’re acting like Kimmel was assassinated on live TV, when really, his show’s been on life support so long it’s technically eligible for Medicare.
And the pièce de résistance? They’re blaming Trump. Of course they are. In the Leftist worldview, every stubbed toe and microwave explosion is either climate change or Trump’s fault.
Sorry to ruin the melodrama, but Trump didn’t kill Jimmy Kimmel Live. Kimmel did. Slowly. Painfully. And hilariously.
A $16 Million Participation Trophy
Let’s talk math — which, fair warning, might confuse anyone still crying into their vegan lattes over Kimmel’s exit.
Kimmel was raking in $16 million a year to host a show that was basically a late-night infomercial for progressive groupthink — and nobody was watching. Seriously. According to Nielsen, Jimmy Kimmel Live! crashed to 1.1 million total viewers in August 2025, down a staggering 43% from January’s 1.95 million. His household rating? 0.35. Source
That’s not “low” — that’s hospice numbers. I’ve seen more people watching a screensaver at the DMV.
Meanwhile, advertising revenue for all late-night shows has plummeted from $439 million in 2018 to just $220 million last year. That’s a $219 million nosedive — while Kimmel is somehow still cashing his $16 million allowance like a kid whose chores never get checked.
Imagine getting paid eight figures to lose nine figures. That’s not entertainment — that’s government efficiency.
The Myth of Leftist Relevance
So when did Kimmel become this sacred Leftist totem? Trick question. He didn’t.
Kimmel is not a cultural icon. He’s a cardboard cutout of one — propped up by network execs who confuse self-righteousness for charisma. He stopped being a comedian years ago and started cosplaying as Rachel Maddow with dimmer lighting.
Same goes for Colbert, who turned his monologues into emotional support sermonettes for Leftists. You know, the kind who need safe spaces after seeing a red hat at Target.
Comedy used to punch up. Now it just scolds sideways.
Conservatives Fire People — Leftists Canonize Them
Here’s the difference: Conservatives fire people who lose money. Leftists give them raises.
If you ran a business that lost half its revenue, you’d get fired faster than you can say “diversity initiative.” But the entertainment Left treats failure like a merit badge. It’s socialism with better craft services.
Meanwhile, Conservatives have to actually earn their money. We don’t get to form shady NGOs that launder tax dollars back to our pet media friends so they can keep making loss-leader propaganda disguised as comedy.
We call it business. They call it “resistance.”
Listening to Leftists Makes You Hate Humanity
Listen to someone on the Right, and you might learn something, maybe even laugh.
Listen to a Leftist, and you want to light your neighbor’s Prius on fire just to feel something. Especially if your neighbor disagrees with you politically.
Their comedy doesn’t spark joy; it sparks arson fantasies. Because if you watch them, you will beg a friend to light you on fire.
Fairness? Please.
The Left’s sudden cries of “unfairness” are rich. This is the same crowd that threw a ticker-tape parade when Twitter’s Jack Dorsey banned the sitting President of the United States.
Trump took what they thought was their personal cry closet and turned it into a battlefield — and they never forgave him. He dominated Twitter. He dominated the news cycle. He dominated them.
They don’t want fairness. They want a monopoly.
And when they can’t have it, they cry “bias” like a toddler denied candy.
The Left Cancels for Sport
Let’s not pretend the Left has moral high ground here.
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Roseanne Barr got nuked from orbit after calling out “Baby Black Jesus” — aka Obama — and ABC personally got a call from the throne to cancel her top-rated show.
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Tim Allen’s “Last Man Standing” was axed despite its ratings dominance, because he had the audacity to not worship at the Church of Woke.
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And yours truly? I was booted for tweeting the truth about the Kavanaugh accusers — which, by the way, aged better than Kimmel’s punchlines.
So forgive me if I don’t join the candlelight vigil for the guy who was just laid off from his televised struggle session.
Best Kimmel Eulogy Ever
My favorite take so far came from someone who said:
“You soulless conservatives cheering on what happened to Jimmy Kimmel haven’t stopped to think about Jimmy’s wife and children. They now have to spend more time with Jimmy Kimmel. No one deserves that.”
Chef’s kiss. Pure art.
Honestly, that alone should win a Pulitzer.
Welcome Back to Reality, Jimmy
Kimmel’s going to be fine. He’ll cry into his silk pillows, maybe start a podcast where he interviews other washed-up activists, and learn what the rest of us already know: the real world has consequences.
Ask Rosie O’Donnell. Ask Keith Olbermann. They went from mainstream media darlings to hosting imaginary talk shows in their bathrooms. It’s a steep drop from studio lights to ring lights.
But here’s the silver lining: at least Jimmy can finally spend his evenings being Jimmy Kimmel, instead of Performative Jimmy the Woke Court Jester.
He can reconnect with his family. And his family can reconnect with Xanax.
Ratings Don’t Lie — Even If Leftists Do
This isn’t political persecution. This isn’t censorship. This isn’t the evil vast right-wing media empire striking down a noble truth-teller.
This is math. It’s capitalism doing what capitalism does: cutting dead weight.
If you’re pulling in fewer viewers than a rerun of Stupid Pet Tricks, the network doesn’t care how many times you called Trump Hitler. They care about money. And Jimmy stopped bringing it in.
The Left’s Real Fear
So why all the screaming now? Because if Jimmy can fail, so can the rest of their media machine.
He was a useful illusion — a mascot for their cultural supremacy. And his collapse reveals the terrifying truth they’re desperate to ignore: without protection, their narratives don’t sell.
Their whole ecosystem is propped up by subsidies, corporate cowardice, and ideological gatekeeping. When the audience actually gets to decide? They lose. Repeatedly. Spectacularly.
That’s why they’re panicking. Not because Jimmy was good. But because he was theirs… and he still failed.
Requiem for a Clown
So no, I won’t shed tears for Jimmy Kimmel. I’ll save those for something tragic, like a spilled beer or a canceled bacon festival.
Kimmel was a man paid king’s ransom to be unfunny on purpose — and he finally got caught.
You want fairness? Fairness is this: if you stop being funny, stop drawing eyeballs, and stop making money, you stop being on TV.
It’s not cruel. It’s math.
And it’s beautiful.
