It is never too early to start thinking about the 2016 presidential election. Sometimes, however, in order to look ahead, one must look back. According to the New York Daily News, in 2012 Mike Ferrigan ran for the Edinburgh (Scotland) City Council dressed as a penguin. Ferrigan, an independent candidate who answered to the name of Professor Pongoo, received more votes than his Liberal Democrat or Green Party rivals.
Although this news is two years old, it just came to the attention of Hillary Clinton’s staff. Not wanting to leave anything to chance, Hillary is being fitted for a penguin suit as we speak. Vice President Joe Biden, also looking at a possible 2016 bid, has no intention of letting Hillary Clinton borrow his suit. Upon hearing the penguin news, Senator Elizabeth Warren was heard to scoff, “Who needs a penguin suit? I’ve got high cheek bones.”
Hillary stated recently that, despite being worth millions, she is not” truly well off.” She took a lot of heat for that comment from those who suggest she is out of touch with the rest of America. However, she may have a point – she is, after all, married to Bill. Some things money can’t overcome.
A Seattle woman recently called police to report a drone hovering outside her apartment building, possibly peering into her window. Two men were spotted piloting the drone. The men drove off before police arrived, but we hear unconfirmed reports suggest one of the men matched the description of one William Jefferson Clinton.
In other election news…
Trending: Panic Sets in as CNN Ratings Plummet
Old, feeble, barely coherent Thad Cochran (R-MS) held off a run-off challenge from tea party candidate Chris McDaniel. This suggests that not only don’t Mississippians require the students in Mrs. Mysanthrope’s kindergarten class in Biloxi at least know the days of the week; they don’t require it of their senators either. Cochran was first elected to the Senate when disco was still a thing. After a few painful years, disco at least had the good sense to fade away quickly. Not so Cochran.
Congressman Charles Rangel (D-NY) held off stiff competition to win his primary election. Rangel was first elected to congress in 1971, when Woodstock was still a recent memory. Not that those who actually attended Woodstock really remember much of the event. And based on the Woodstock movie, that they can’t remember Country Joe and the Fish is a really good thing!
And then there is this…
The Seattle City Council recently approved a phased-in minimum wage increase to $15 per hour. The socialist member of the council and fast food workers are ecstatic, but fast food franchisees, fast food patrons and the presently unemployed not so much. We expect McDonalds to soon replace the Happy Meal in their Seattle restaurants with the $9 Feeling A Bit Depressed Meal.
Apparently, nearly half of all Detroit residents can’t pay their water bill. It is getting so bad that activists are lobbying to bring in the United Nations to help. To help do what, exactly? Fortunately, the Detroit Water and Sewage Department has made it known that it’s not their goal to shut off water to people who can’t pay. And if anybody knows about sewage it’s the UN.
Recent polling indicates that 80% of Americans don’t believe the IRS about Lois Lerner’s (and others) the lost emails. The other 20% are currently being audited by the IRS.
Finally, IRS Commissioner John Koskinen took a grilling before a couple of House committees this week. He was battered and bruised, yet his arrogance remained intact. Nonetheless, when he next testifies we understand he will request that he be addressed as Professor Pongoo.
Trey Gowdy OWNS IRS Commissioner Over Destroyed Hard Drives