Today, Maxine Waters climbed out of her hole long enough to issue this statement: “We impeached 45. Then we took Trump out of office. And we successfully put Joe Biden behind the big desk. Now, it is time we show the love we have long-promised America.
Afterward, Greyhound showed up at the Mexican border with room to transport 226 illegals and their families into the United States. Each family is slated to move in next door to a Democrat from Congress. The congressional leftists have promised to provide more than just housing costs. They will also cover all living expenses, including utilities, food, clothing, and even a pet stipend. Because illegals love dogs too.
Later in the afternoon, Nancy Pelosi announced another Democrat outreach program. After the GOP introduced legislation to stop the government form passing out crack pipes, Pelosi took it upon herself to form a new non-profit, Smoke Kits from the Heart. The Clinton Foundation will fund the first 500,000 smoke pipes with money they hid in an off-shore account now that Chuck Schumer found a way to bring the funds back into the states without a tax liability.
Not to be outdone, AOC offered a way to roll out phase one of her Green New Deal without GOP support. She will start by converting the East Wing of the White House into a Dollar Store. Inventory will come straight from China and will include popular items such as Biden bobble heads and Trump dog toys. Once the dollar store starts generating a profit, the bartender will use her budget to help fulfill Beto’s promise to finally win an election. With Beto in office, the double-trouble-duo can shut down Texas oil once and for all. All the land dedicated to drilling oil will be converted into soy fields so that fake meat can completely replace the good old fashioned cattle industry. No more ribeyes or cheeseburgers.
Welfare for All
By Easter, Biden promises to double the food stamps and provide unearned wages for everyone. As the President stated at his press conference, “if you don’t take free money, then you ain’t black.” Everything from daycare to funerals will be paid for with government funding.
Elizabeth Warren personally decided to step in and create a brand new government office billed as the Office of Cultural Examination. They will be responsible for running everyone’s DNA and providing future politicians will a list of “believable ethnicities.” This will allow Democrats to avoid the kind of embarrassment that is created when people like Warren and Kamala Harris don’t seem to know their ass from an ashtray.
Speaking of Harris, she’s decided to start a social justice initiative known as WCBHT. Women Can Be Hoes Too. Her goal to remove the stigma associated with being a whore will allow more women to sleep their way to the top without the fear of being judged for it. Once she has 10,000 self-proclaimed hoes on her roster, Harris will celebrate with the Obamas by dancing to Nigga in Paris while snorting lines of cocaine. If they run out of drugs, Bill Clinton will be called in. Just as long as he promises to leave the cigars at home. Nobody needs that kind of love.