Let me tell you about the greatest injustice since they took the caramel out of Milky Ways.
I’ve been playing this dominoes app on my phone for over a year. I play the game to test my skills against the world. It’s not chess, but know that Black people take our dominoes seriously.
On that note, I’ve crushed players from every corner of the globe. Italy, France, Germany, yes even China—where dominoes were invented. And let me be clear: I dominate the Chinese in dominoes, because Black folks know how to play some bones. Black prowess in dominoes is akin to sprinting in track and field—some things just aren’t fair to Asians, and this is one of them.
I grew up playing dominoes because, let’s be real, it’s practically a rite of passage for the Black card. Young blacks are taught the game at an early age, as just like voting Democrat, learn bones makes you “authentically Black”. Luckily for me, I was never stupid enough to vote Democrats, however I did start learning dominoes at the ripe age of 5.
Clearly, if you start learning anything particularly dominoes at five years old, by 25, you’re either a grandmaster or you’ve been disowned. I’m the former.
On the app, my win rate? A cool 83%, which I guard like a pit bull with a steak. And frankly, my win rate is higher, because it counts any disruption of the game on your end as a loss, e.g. loss of a wireless signal, and so on. Also, I learned the hard way that if you just “flick” the domino on the virtual table, it won’t necessarily play it where you want it played. I’ve lost a few games thinking it would put the domino where it counted, and it placed it elsewhere. Finally, there are times when you touch the wrong domino, and it plays it, though you wanted to select another one.
Chalk all that up to pilot error, as other people likely learned the hard way as well. Still, I managed a measly 17% loss rate. Unacceptable! Nonetheless, I tolerated it because, yes, dominoes has some luck involved.
But now? The app has gone full Leftist.
Pay-to-Play Dominoes: The End of Western Civilization
Anyway, I have some free time, as I was “taking the Browns to the Super Bowl”, and I invoke the app. I’m playing along and I have to draw. I noticed a button that read “Escape Fast” and you could pay 200 coins for this. Scandalous: The game now lets players PAY to escape the “bone yard” faster.
For those who don’t speak dominoes, the “bone yard” is where you draw tiles when you can’t play. Normally, you pull until you get something usable—a sacred rule, like not putting pineapple on pizza. But now? You can BUY your way out of the bone yard quicker, ensuring you only draw one domino—or worse, PAY to get the EXACT domino you need to win.
This is an atrocity. A travesty. A crime against bones.
What’s next? Buying a do-over in chess? (Chess.com, I’m watching you.) Dominoes is a game of skill, strategy, and a little luck—but now it’s pay-to-win, like some dystopian mobile game designed by a Silicon Valley socialist.
Are the Bidens getting a cut of this? Was this Hunter’s idea? Let’s not forget: Dominoes were invented by the Chinese. Coincidence? I think not.
No Justice, No Peace: The Domino Effect of Cheating
If we allow cheating in dominoes, what’s next? Criminals walking the streets? Terrorists welcomed back with open arms? (Oh wait…)
This is why I’m calling for justice. I want the person who greenlit this bone yard betrayal ARRESTED. I’m not sure who to blame, but I’m betting on either the Chinese–punishment for Trump’s tariffs. Or perhaps it’s the Russians?
After arresting the culprit, let’s arrest more people in general.
We got that one low-level judge, but what about the rest? Can the president arrest a SCOTUS judge? (CNN says it’s complicated, but I say yes.) Congressmen? Senators? Lock ‘em up. The dirt on these people is worse than a 10-year-old’s Minecraft server.
Final Thoughts: Save the Game, Save the Nation
Dominoes is more than a game—it’s a cultural institution. And if we let Leftist microtransactions ruin Black people’s culturally-appropriated game, what’s next? Spades? Bid Whist? Basketball?!
So I leave you with this: No justice, no peace. And by justice, I mean bringing back fair dominoes.
#MakeDominoesGreatAgain
