2028—The Year Democrats Finally Eat Themselves
Imagine watching a Cirque du Soleil act choreographed by drunk toddlers on roller skates—that’s the Democrat Party prepping for 2028.
With zero bench, sagging polls, and candidates with the charisma of DMV clerks, they’re already melting down two elections early.
It’s not strategy. It’s surrender in slow motion. And if you think they’re flailing now, wait until you see what happens when Kamala Harris starts polling behind AOC in a state where cows outnumber liberals. It won’t be pretty—but it’ll be hilarious.
The Democratic Party Wears Jackboots of Self‑Sabotage
Let’s rewind to 2024: Democrats strolled into the Presidential Election courtesy of ACT Blue—a fundraising engine now sputtering under questionable donation transparency.
Historically, parties in serious decline don’t just fade—they implode in spectacular fashion. Their response? Spin so blinding you’d need sunglasses indoors. But admit it: it’s not reinvention. It’s denial with fancy lighting.
David Hogg: The PAC That Ate Itself
Enter David Hogg: former Parkland teen turned brief DNC vice-chair and current head of the Leaders We Deserve PAC.
Irony check: by June 2025, he’d been ousted from the DNC for overreach—and his freshly minted PAC has underperformed spectacularly.
His marquee endorsement, Deja Foxx, managed just ~21% in Arizona’s special primary—against a 62% opponent win, despite Hogg’s promise of $20 million and his PAC delivering only $1.5 million.
That’s political store credit—“One day you can upgrade your candidate!”
Progressive Splinter-itis: Memes Over Mantras
I wrote not that long ago about the Left’s now masquerading” as progress.
From AOC’s TikTok dance demos to “Save the planet—buy me guac!” messaging, Democrats stopped debating policy—instead, they’re staging influencer content.
Dodged a Bullet, Now Facing a Cannon
By now, even the most delusional Democrats should be willing to admit they got extremely lucky in 2024. They were forced to back Kamala Harris after Biden’s brain officially and very publicly checked out during the debate with Donald Trump. (And no, that wasn’t just a “cold” or a “bad night”—that was the political equivalent of watching your grandpa forget where he parked the car… for 90 straight minutes.)
But now that the dust has settled and reality has kicked them squarely in the naughty bits, Democrats have a bigger problem: Who the hell is going to run in 2028?
Kamala Harris: The Heir Apparent Who Should Probably Disinherit Herself
Let’s start with the obvious: Kamala Harris is still the most unpopular VP in modern history. And that’s before we get to her uncanny ability to make even the simplest interactions feel like a surrealist art project.
Take, for example, her baffling interview on Subway Takes, a show where guests share their favorite hot takes. Sounds simple, right? Not for Kamala. The interview was so bizarre that the host, Kareem Rahma—a Muslim who doesn’t eat pork—decided it was best left on the cutting room floor.
“Her take was really confusing and weird, not good, and so [we] mutually agreed we shouldn’t publish it,” Rahma told Forbes reporter Steven Bertoni.
What was the hot take that derailed the whole thing? Bacon. Yes, bacon.
“Think about it, it’s pure flavor,” Harris told him, explaining how bits of cooked bacon could be used to enhance a meal like a seasoning.
Rahma asked if he could use beef or turkey instead, before pausing the interview and telling her he doesn’t eat bacon.
Now, in fairness, Kamala’s bacon evangelism isn’t technically a disqualifier for the presidency. (Though it might be if she tried it at a vegan fundraiser.) But it is emblematic of her real problem: She’s just not good at this.
She lost to Trump in 2024. She bombed out of the 2020 primary before a single vote was cast. And yet, by default, she’s the Democrats’ frontrunner for 2028. That’s not just a red flag—that’s a flashing neon sign reading “ABANDON ALL HOPE, YE WHO ENTER HERE.”
