COMPUTERS, MORONS, AND CRIMINALS

This is a true story. I wish it weren't.

I don’t know if you can relate to this, but I’ve undergone a plethora of computer malfunctions. They not only remained unrepaired by three different computer “experts” but were made worse by them.

I sent one computer to warranty repair with a minor software problem and a power plug whose USB tip fell off. They sent it back to me with – I stopped counting at 14 – defects THEY created which the computer never had before. Plus they glued back – never mind sending me a replacement – the broken USB tip of the power cable which promptly fell off seconds after I plugged it into the port. Not that it mattered. The computer turned out to be inoperable.

So I lugged it and my spare computer to a one-man shop called “Computer Help”, the purpose being to transfer my data to the spare. To make a long story short, I wrote him a Yelp review which started off with the sentence that he should rename his business “COMPUTER HELL”. Now neither of my computers worked.

Then I safaried to a repair shop in the city where I used to live. I’d patronized it several times before and experienced great service. The lady who owned it had gone to an Ivy League college where she’d majored in IT. In addition to that, she had lots of certifications and lots of experience. Her uncredentialed husband, who’d learned from her, worked in the business, too.

On my arrival I was disappointed to learn that she was “on vacation” . Moreover her husband admitted he had “no idea” when she’d be back.  She’d already been out of the country for five weeks.

I couldn’t wait for her to get back.  As a professional writer I needed my computer fixed. Pronto. What would my boss, Kevin Jackson, think about my hiatus?  And I couldn’t disappoint my Kevin Jackson Network readers either.

Every day that went by I seesawed between torturing myself by wondering why my computer wasn’t ready yet, and comforting myself, by telling myself that the prolonged repair time was due to the fact that hubby was overburdened doing the work of two people.

I periodically telephoned to politely inquire if my computer was ready. Let’s face it. I realized I was actually more interested in finding out the latest in this marriage soap opera.

Finally my computers were ready.

Hoping for the best, I eagerly arrived to pick them up. Guess what? It happened to be the first day the wife was back.

She walked in sporting a huge, gorgeous, intricate, and very expensive-looking bracelet which I most effusively admired. She confided to me with a tender smile that it had been hand-fabricated expressly for her by her meditation “teacher” with whom she had been “studying” during her (five-plus may I remind you) weeks abroad. Hah! I can imagine what else he did with his hands and other body parts for her.

Chatting merrily to me, she wouldn’t even look at or speak to her husband except to hiss at him that he had effed up my computers.

Ladies and gentlemen, I’m no fortune-teller but I do not prognosticate a long life for their business. Or their marriage. So I shan’t be going back there.

Anyhow I still don’t have a computer expert. My wonderful one whom I had for 21 years suffered a heart attack and closed his business.

Social Media Christmas Sale Kevin Jackson
Social Media Christmas Sale Kevin Jackson
Social Media Christmas Sale Kevin Jackson
Social Media Christmas Sale Kevin Jackson
Social Media Christmas Sale Kevin Jackson
That’s not the only technological snafu in my life.

Did I mention that Satan resides in my iPhone?

I am of the mind – and you cannot convince me otherwise, so don’t even try – that all cellulars (and computers) should have the same serial number. That’s regardless of make, model, and year of manufacture. And that number is 666.  Do you know why? Because they don’t need technical support. They need a f–king exorcist!!!!

Honestly, people, I never drop cellulars or any other kinds of computers. Never subject them to extremes of temperature. Never drop liquids on them or into them. Nor do I mistreat them in any way.  I even name them, for God’s sake! My first ones I ever got I christened “Compton the Computer” and “Preston the Printer”.

Believe me when I say I know several people who’ve dropped their cellulars into the toilet. More than once. And the wretched things work fine.

I know of people who have thrown their laptops at their soon-not-to-be Significant Others, missed, and hit walls.  No problem.

Why me, Lord?

I’ve been done wrong, folks. Somebody must pay. Shouldn’t there be capital punishment for computer technicians who wreck customers’ computers?

What’s a poor, frustrated  girl to do when she has visions of revenge sugar plums dancing in her head, if I may paraphrase lines from “A Visit From St. Nicholas”. Are you familiar with that nice Christmas poem by Clement Clarke Moore?

I dunno. Surely, I could go to Cicero, Illinois, the city where Al Capone’s headquarters used to be. I wonder if I could have found a moustache (a “made man” for those of you not in the know) or a nice gumba willing to do me a “favor“.  Do you think that my asking to borrow a pair of cement Gucci loafers might be too much of an imposition? After all, I’m not even Italian. But in my favor I did go through a whole year in college where I refused to date a guy unless his last name ended in a vowel. That was my Italian Period. But I digress.

I must cease and desist this vengeful wishful thinking. My parents brought me up to be an upstanding person who doesn’t break the law.  But even if I hadn’t been brought up right, John Gotti’s hangout, The Ravenite Social Club on Mulberry Street in New York’s Little Italy, is no longer in existence. I know. I checked.

But for now all I can think of is the title of that Broadway smash hit: “STOP THE WORLD! I WANT TO GET OFF!”

 

 

186 Comments

  1. Concerning “Computer hell”… I am 75 years old and can now take a desktop computer apart and upgrade or replace bad parts. I have USB drives with copies of everything including my 31,000 pictures and videos. I am getting into video editing so I can make professional quality videos with my new drone. I was not born with this ability, I am of average intelligence, and I didn’t take a college course to learn anything computer. However, with Googles help, I discovered YouTube videos. There are videos on how to put air in your tires to building a computer from scratch. Due to shaky hands and poor eyesight, I don’t open a laptop, however everything on it is copied to two separate USB drives so if one goes bad, I still have one. I am retired so I have spare time, however someone still working should pick up and understand new information much quicker than I can. How do I “sanitize” a broken laptop? I go in the garage and take a hammer to it! Once the hard drive pops out, I take a hammer to that. No one can get information off a smashed disk, ask Hillary Clinton…

  2. I love your blog.. very nice colors & theme. Did you make this website yourself or did you hire someone to do it for you? Plz reply as I’m looking to design my own blog and would like to know where u got this from. thanks

  3. This is very fascinating, You’re a very skilled blogger. I have joined your rss feed and look ahead to seeking more of your excellent post. Additionally, I have shared your website in my social networks!

  4. Hey There. I found your blog using msn. This is an extremely well written article. I will be sure to bookmark it and come back to read more of your useful information. Thanks for the post. I will certainly return.

  5. Hmm is anyone else encountering problems with the images on this blog loading? I’m trying to determine if its a problem on my end or if it’s the blog. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

  6. I used to be more than happy to seek out this net-site.I wanted to thanks to your time for this glorious learn!! I definitely enjoying each little little bit of it and I have you bookmarked to check out new stuff you blog post.

  7. I have been browsing online more than 3 hours today, but I never found any fascinating article like yours. It is beautiful worth enough for me. In my opinion, if all website owners and bloggers made just right content material as you did, the net will probably be a lot more helpful than ever before. “Dignity is not negotiable. Dignity is the honor of the family.” by Vartan Gregorian.

  8. Hello there, simply was alert to your blog thru Google, and located that it is really informative. I’m gonna be careful for brussels. I will be grateful if you proceed this in future. Lots of other folks will likely be benefited out of your writing. Cheers!

  9. Do you mind if I quote a couple of your posts as long as I provide credit and sources back to your weblog? My blog is in the exact same area of interest as yours and my users would really benefit from some of the information you provide here. Please let me know if this ok with you. Regards!

  10. I keep listening to the news broadcast talk about getting free online grant applications so I have been looking around for the best site to get one. Could you advise me please, where could i acquire some?

  11. Wonderful work! This is the type of info that should be shared around the net. Shame on Google for not positioning this post higher! Come on over and visit my website . Thanks =)

  12. I have not checked in here for a while because I thought it was getting boring, but the last several posts are good quality so I guess I will add you back to my everyday bloglist. You deserve it my friend 🙂

  13. What i don’t understood is if truth be told how you’re no longer actually much more smartly-liked than you may be right now. You’re very intelligent. You realize therefore considerably in relation to this subject, made me for my part believe it from numerous numerous angles. Its like men and women don’t seem to be involved unless it is one thing to do with Woman gaga! Your own stuffs excellent. All the time care for it up!

  14. I haven’t checked in here for a while since I thought it was getting boring, but the last few posts are good quality so I guess I’ll add you back to my daily bloglist. You deserve it my friend 🙂

  15. Some really fantastic content on this internet site, thanks for contribution. “Always aim for achievement, and forget about success.” by Helen Hayes.

  16. You actually make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this matter to be actually something which I think I would never understand. It seems too complex and very broad for me. I am looking forward for your next post, I’ll try to get the hang of it!

  17. Great V I should certainly pronounce, impressed with your web site. I had no trouble navigating through all the tabs and related info ended up being truly simple to do to access. I recently found what I hoped for before you know it at all. Quite unusual. Is likely to appreciate it for those who add forums or anything, site theme . a tones way for your customer to communicate. Excellent task..

  18. F*ckin’ tremendous things here. I’m very glad to see your article. Thanks a lot and i am looking forward to contact you. Will you kindly drop me a mail?

  19. I loved as much as you’ll receive carried out right here. The sketch is tasteful, your authored material stylish. nonetheless, you command get got an shakiness over that you wish be delivering the following. unwell unquestionably come further formerly again since exactly the same nearly a lot often inside case you shield this hike.

  20. Hello there! Do you know if they make any plugins to assist with SEO? I’m trying to get my blog to rank for some targeted keywords but I’m not seeing very good gains. If you know of any please share. Kudos!

  21. An impressive share, I just given this onto a colleague who was doing a little analysis on this. And he in fact bought me breakfast because I found it for him.. smile. So let me reword that: Thnx for the treat! But yeah Thnkx for spending the time to discuss this, I feel strongly about it and love reading more on this topic. If possible, as you become expertise, would you mind updating your blog with more details? It is highly helpful for me. Big thumb up for this blog post!

  22. You actually make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this matter to be actually something that I think I would never understand. It seems too complex and extremely broad for me. I am looking forward for your next post, I will try to get the hang of it!

  23. I don’t even know the way I finished up here, however I believed this post used to be great. I don’t recognize who you’re however certainly you’re going to a famous blogger in the event you are not already 😉 Cheers!

  24. What i do not understood is in reality how you are no longer actually much more neatly-liked than you may be now. You’re so intelligent. You know thus significantly with regards to this topic, made me individually consider it from numerous various angles. Its like men and women aren’t involved until it?¦s something to accomplish with Girl gaga! Your own stuffs nice. All the time maintain it up!

  25. F*ckin’ amazing issues here. I’m very glad to see your article. Thank you so much and i am having a look ahead to contact you. Will you kindly drop me a mail?

  26. Unquestionably consider that that you stated. Your favourite justification appeared to be on the web the easiest thing to consider of. I say to you, I certainly get annoyed even as people think about issues that they just don’t realize about. You controlled to hit the nail upon the highest and also defined out the whole thing with no need side effect , folks can take a signal. Will likely be again to get more. Thanks

  27. Howdy! Someone in my Myspace group shared this site with us so I came to take a look. I’m definitely loving the information. I’m book-marking and will be tweeting this to my followers! Outstanding blog and excellent design.

  28. Great – I should definitely pronounce, impressed with your website. I had no trouble navigating through all the tabs and related information ended up being truly simple to do to access. I recently found what I hoped for before you know it at all. Quite unusual. Is likely to appreciate it for those who add forums or anything, site theme . a tones way for your customer to communicate. Excellent task..

  29. I am often to running a blog and i actually admire your content. The article has actually peaks my interest. I’m going to bookmark your site and keep checking for brand new information.

  30. Whats Taking place i’m new to this, I stumbled upon this I’ve found It absolutely helpful and it has aided me out loads. I’m hoping to contribute & aid other users like its aided me. Great job.

  31. I enjoy you because of all of your efforts on this blog. Debby really likes making time for investigations and it’s easy to understand why. I learn all of the compelling mode you deliver advantageous information on the web blog and improve response from other people on this area then our own daughter is without question starting to learn so much. Enjoy the rest of the year. You are performing a really good job.

  32. What i do not understood is if truth be told how you’re now not really much more neatly-favored than you might be now. You are very intelligent. You already know thus considerably in terms of this topic, made me for my part believe it from so many various angles. Its like women and men aren’t fascinated unless it is something to accomplish with Girl gaga! Your individual stuffs nice. Always deal with it up!

  33. Good day! I know this is kind of off topic but I was wondering if you knew where I could find a captcha plugin for my comment form? I’m using the same blog platform as yours and I’m having difficulty finding one? Thanks a lot!

  34. Thanks for the marvelous posting! I quite enjoyed reading it, you are a great author.I will always bookmark your blog and definitely will come back down the road. I want to encourage yourself to continue your great writing, have a nice morning!

  35. You actually make it appear really easy together with your presentation however I to find this topic to be really something which I think I might never understand. It kind of feels too complicated and extremely extensive for me. I am taking a look forward for your next post, I will attempt to get the hold of it!

  36. Needed to send you that bit of remark just to thank you very much the moment again about the marvelous techniques you have provided on this site. It was tremendously generous with you to present extensively all many of us could have offered for sale as an ebook in order to make some bucks for their own end, most importantly since you might well have tried it if you desired. Those good ideas also worked as a easy way to know that the rest have a similar desire the same as my own to understand very much more with regard to this condition. I am sure there are millions of more fun times in the future for individuals who read carefully your site.

  37. Amazing blog! Do you have any tips for aspiring writers? I’m planning to start my own website soon but I’m a little lost on everything. Would you propose starting with a free platform like WordPress or go for a paid option? There are so many options out there that I’m totally overwhelmed .. Any ideas? Cheers!

  38. I’ve been browsing online more than 3 hours as of late, but I by no means discovered any fascinating article like yours. It is pretty value enough for me. In my opinion, if all website owners and bloggers made excellent content material as you probably did, the net will be a lot more helpful than ever before.

  39. Someone essentially help to make seriously posts I would state. This is the very first time I frequented your web page and thus far? I amazed with the research you made to make this particular publish extraordinary. Fantastic job!

  40. What i don’t understood is in reality how you’re now not actually much more well-appreciated than you may be now. You’re so intelligent. You already know therefore significantly on the subject of this topic, made me individually consider it from numerous varied angles. Its like women and men are not involved except it is one thing to do with Woman gaga! Your own stuffs excellent. At all times maintain it up!

  41. Superb blog you have here but I was curious if you knew of any user discussion forums that cover the same topics talked about here? I’d really like to be a part of group where I can get feedback from other knowledgeable individuals that share the same interest. If you have any recommendations, please let me know. Thank you!

  42. Admiring the hard work you put into your blog and in depth information you offer. It’s great to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same out of date rehashed information. Excellent read! I’ve saved your site and I’m adding your RSS feeds to my Google account.

  43. Admiring the time and effort you put into your site and in depth information you present. It’s nice to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same old rehashed information. Wonderful read! I’ve bookmarked your site and I’m adding your RSS feeds to my Google account.

  44. Great website you have here but I was wanting to know if you knew of any discussion boards that cover the same topics talked about in this article? I’d really love to be a part of online community where I can get comments from other knowledgeable people that share the same interest. If you have any suggestions, please let me know. Bless you!

  45. I’m really impressed with your writing skills and also with the layout on your weblog. Is this a paid theme or did you modify it yourself? Either way keep up the nice quality writing, it’s rare to see a great blog like this one nowadays..

  46. My programmer is trying to persuade me to move to .net from PHP. I have always disliked the idea because of the expenses. But he’s tryiong none the less. I’ve been using WordPress on various websites for about a year and am anxious about switching to another platform. I have heard very good things about blogengine.net. Is there a way I can transfer all my wordpress posts into it? Any kind of help would be greatly appreciated!

  47. I was just looking for this info for some time. After 6 hours of continuous Googleing, at last I got it in your site. I wonder what’s the lack of Google strategy that don’t rank this kind of informative websites in top of the list. Usually the top sites are full of garbage.

  48. Attractive part of content. I just stumbled upon your weblog and in accession capital to claim that I get actually enjoyed account your blog posts. Any way I will be subscribing to your feeds or even I achievement you get admission to persistently fast.

  49. Thank you for another informative blog. Where else may I am getting that type of info written in such a perfect manner? I’ve a project that I’m simply now operating on, and I’ve been on the glance out for such information.

  50. Hello! Quick question that’s completely off topic. Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly? My blog looks weird when viewing from my apple iphone. I’m trying to find a theme or plugin that might be able to resolve this issue. If you have any recommendations, please share. Many thanks!

  51. Great beat ! I wish to apprentice while you amend your web site, how could i subscribe for a blog web site? The account helped me a acceptable deal. I had been a little bit acquainted of this your broadcast offered bright clear idea

  52. Hmm is anyone else experiencing problems with the pictures on this blog loading? I’m trying to find out if its a problem on my end or if it’s the blog. Any responses would be greatly appreciated.

  53. Attractive section of content. I just stumbled upon your web site and in accession capital to assert that I acquire actually enjoyed account your blog posts. Any way I will be subscribing to your augment and even I achievement you access consistently rapidly.

  54. Somebody essentially help to make seriously articles I would state. This is the first time I frequented your website page and thus far? I amazed with the research you made to make this particular publish amazing. Excellent job!

  55. of course like your web-site however you have to check the spelling on several of your posts. Many of them are rife with spelling problems and I to find it very bothersome to inform the reality then again I will definitely come again again.

  56. I would like to thnkx for the efforts you’ve put in writing this site. I’m hoping the same high-grade web site post from you in the upcoming as well. In fact your creative writing abilities has encouraged me to get my own blog now. Really the blogging is spreading its wings quickly. Your write up is a good example of it.

  57. Greetings! I’ve been reading your web site for a while now and finally got the bravery to go ahead and give you a shout out from Kingwood Tx! Just wanted to say keep up the great job!

  58. Hi, Neat post. There is an issue together with your site in web explorer, may check thisK IE nonetheless is the market chief and a good element of people will leave out your magnificent writing due to this problem.

  59. Hey, you used to write magnificent, but the last few posts have been kinda boring?K I miss your great writings. Past few posts are just a bit out of track! come on!

  60. of course like your web site however you need to check the spelling on quite a few of your posts. A number of them are rife with spelling issues and I in finding it very troublesome to tell the truth on the other hand I¦ll definitely come back again.

  61. Nice post. I was checking constantly this blog and I’m impressed! Extremely helpful information particularly the last part 🙂 I care for such information much. I was seeking this particular info for a very long time. Thank you and good luck.

  62. What i don’t realize is in reality how you are not actually much more neatly-appreciated than you may be now. You are so intelligent. You already know thus significantly in the case of this subject, made me for my part believe it from a lot of numerous angles. Its like women and men don’t seem to be interested until it?¦s one thing to do with Lady gaga! Your personal stuffs nice. Always take care of it up!

  63. Good – I should certainly pronounce, impressed with your website. I had no trouble navigating through all the tabs and related information ended up being truly easy to do to access. I recently found what I hoped for before you know it at all. Quite unusual. Is likely to appreciate it for those who add forums or anything, web site theme . a tones way for your customer to communicate. Nice task..

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Back to top button