I know I’m not the only one who chuckles at the idea that Leftists are finally crawling out of the woodwork to admit what the rest of us have known since roughly the Mesozoic Era: Joe Biden was never fit to be president.
What’s truly shocking here isn’t the revelation—it’s the fact that nobody’s accusing Biden or the Democrats of racism for keeping him in office. Think about it: If they knew Grandpa Joe was running on one brain cell and a dream, why not yank him out and let Kamala Harris take the wheel?
Ah, right. Because even Democrats aren’t that self-destructive. The first female president will have to wait—preferably until she can form a coherent sentence without sounding like an AI chatbot glitching. Vegas odds on whether she’ll be Black or white? Put me down for $100 on “white” and a side bet on “not named Clinton.”
The Closet Chronicles: A Tale of Presidential Navigation (or Lack Thereof)
Now, thanks to a Secret Service whistleblower with a flair for tragicomedy, we have fresh details on just how dire things were in the Biden White House. According to Knewz.com, Biden’s cognitive decline was so advanced that he once got lost in his own closet.
Joe Biden‘s health is in such great decline he got “lost” in his own closet, a Secret Service whistleblower has claimed.
Knewz.com reveal the leak was provided to MAGA Senator Josh Hawley who shared the information amid claims the former president’s administration worked to cover up his waning mental state.
Hawley said: “He (the Secret Service member) told me that Biden used to get lost in his mornings at the White House,” adding that his source was assigned to Biden while he was the president.
“I mean, the guy literally stumbling around in the White House residence couldn’t find his way out of his own closet. The president of the United States. I mean, this is outrageous. We were lied to.”
Let’s unpack this (unlike Biden, who apparently couldn’t even locate the closet door).
First, the imagery is chef’s kiss. A grown man—allegedly the Leader of the Free World—wandering aimlessly among his suits like a confused moth trapped in a Nordstrom. You know you’re in trouble when your spatial awareness ranks below a Roomba’s.
Second, Senator Josh Hawley—a man best known for his sprinting skills on January 6—is suddenly the voice of moral outrage. Sure, now he’s shocked. Not when Biden was shaking hands with ghosts, mumbling about “Corn Pop,” or confusing his wife with his sister. Nope, the closet incident is the red line.
The Autopen Scandal: Because Handwriting Is Hard
But wait, there’s more! Hawley’s also up in arms about the real constitutional crisis: Biden’s autopen addiction.
Hawley said the alarming claims were made to him while he was investigating the attempted assassination of President Donald Trump during his campaign rally in Butler, Pennsylvania.
He went on to criticize the ongoing scandal that the Biden administration worked to cover up his cognitive decline, specifically with the use of an autopen — a device that automatically replicates a person’s signature.
“We need to find out who actually signed off, so to speak, on all those autopen signatures and all of those pardons and all of those clemencies,” Hawley said, adding that it amounts to “one of the worst constitutional crises of our country’s history.”
Let’s be real—if Biden did sign anything himself, there’s a 50% chance it read “Hamberder” or “Thanks, Jack.”
Fox News’ Peter Doocy already confirmed that only one piece of legislation bore Biden’s actual handwriting, which raises the question: Who was really running the country? The autopen? A rotating cast of aides? A sentient teleprompter?
Why Now? Because the Cabal Said So
Here’s the real kicker: Democrats spent four years gaslighting the country, insisting Biden was “sharp as a tack” while he meandered through speeches like a man who’d just woken up from a nap in a hedge. Now that he’s out, suddenly everyone’s a whistleblower.
It’s almost as if there’s a pattern here.
Remember how the media treated Hillary’s health scares in 2016? Or how they ignored Feinstein’s zombified state until it was politically convenient? This isn’t incompetence—it’s orchestrated. Somewhere in a shadowy DNC backroom, a memo went out: “Okay, folks, Biden’s shelf life is expired. You may now pretend you always knew.”
Final Thought: The Wet Paper Bag Test
If Biden couldn’t find his way out of a closet, is it safe to say he also couldn’t fight his way out of a wet paper bag? The man’s idea of aggression is challenging a cornstalk to a push-up contest.
So here we are. The Democrats’ golden boy was a husk being puppeteered by unseen hands. And the only people surprised are the ones who thought “Weekend at Bernie’s” was a documentary. The real question isn’t “How did this happen?”—it’s “Who’s next in the clown car?”
Place your bets, folks. The circus is just getting started.
