2020: The Year of the Coronavirus-Created Hillbilly Hunk

The Chinese Wuhan Virus of 2020 has taught us much, particularly about human nature. And we got some unexpected benefits.

For instance, we don’t need Hollywood. Weeks of no movies and nobody misses those mostly pompous jackasses. The late night hacks broadcast from the homes in their gated communities, and their audience ratings forebode bad times. Soon these putzes will be putting their Hollywood mansions on the market for pennies on the dollar.

And the same fate may befall some of the anti-Trump, anti-American sports figures. Overpaid jocks always voicing their opinions, and they can’t even match nouns with verb tenses.

“Donald Trump are a racist, because he hate black people or so they tell me.”

The zombie apocalypse changed many things, including how people think about what’s precious. While I’m sure those who hoarded gold felt some comfort, couponers likely did best.

Because who thought toilet paper and sanitizers would be the best currency?! Admit it, even though you’re pretty stocked up on toilet paper, you still swing by the aisle at the grocery store…just in case.

Even if you don’t need it, you might grab it for a friend. Because you know you can score lots of points with the book club if you give out a few rolls.

Men, forget that Cartier watch you been eyeballing for your girl. Give her a gift basket with toilet paper, paper towels, clorox bleach and hand-sanitizer and you can put on some Marvin Gaye!

Let’s get it on….Ahhhhh, yeah. Let’s get it on! Let’s love Baby!

And what about that newfound appreciation for men who hunt or who can fix cars?

I listened to a comedian make fun of country boys. She joked about noodling.

Noodlers get in rivers about chest high and move along the bank looking for catchfish holes. When they find a hole, they reach and let the catchfish bite down on their arm. Then pull out the animal.

Pre-zombie apocalypse, that joke was funny. Who in their right mind would fish with only their arms when you can just buy a rod and reel?

But noodling doesn’t look so stupid when you are in the midst of the zombie apocalypse.

The new situation has women rethinking their “pretty boy” who can’t even change a light bulb. He’s a lot less hot, particularly when compared to the guy who knows how to catch fish AND make his own fire. That fat hairy overall-wearing dude is the NEW CHIPPENDALE!

I watch a show called Naked and Afraid. Honestly, that show is “must view” for Leftists.

In the show, they usually pair up a man and a woman and put them in some form of hell on earth to survive, “naked and afraid” for 21 days. They get one survival item each, and a map of where to go.

After 21 days, a Victoria’s Secret model leaves looking like Fred Flintstone. But the guys who make it actually look more manly. If the show were reality, know that after 5 days with about 100 calories, the woman is ready to bear the children for the guy who could hunt.

While the Chinese Wuhan Virus caused problems, it also awakened America to harsh realities. One reality is that despite all our modern conveniences, the world remains untamed in large part. We are one real pandemic away from mass hysteria. A second reality is men who stay in touch with their masculine side will ultimately win in the end.

Hillbilly Hunk

For now, masculinity may still be defined by the guy who diligently watches the toilet paper and cleaning aisles when he’s at the grocery store. But when the real apocalypse hits, make sure that either you are a real man or that you’re good friends with Bubba. Either will be easy to spot, because they will have the trophy wives.


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