Twitter is abuzz with the news of the May 31, 2022 visit of BTS, the K-Pop septet, to the White House.
Biden proudly voiced that he’s seeking their solutions to anti-Asian hate crimes, discrimination, representation, inclusion, diversity, and whatnot. In America. A country they have zero knowledge of except for performing on American stages before an audience of screaming fans.
PSHAW ON UNIVERSITY-EDUCATED EXPERTS. LET’S JUST ASK A BUNCH OF FOREIGN SINGERS.
Gosh, golly, gee-whiz. What could world leaders possibly deduce about Biden’s competence, wisdom, and gravitas?
Joseph Robinette Biden, The Court Jester of America, has created a historical first. What next? Asking the White House lawn guy to deliver his pronouncements on strategies against Vladimir Putin?
The South Korean pop guys are a successful international singing phenomenon. I think they’re all cute guys. They look like adorable little painted dolls in colorful costumes, pretty makeup, and attractive hair dye and hairstyles. I like their colorful stage outfits and enjoy some of their songs. But since when is their occupation, education, experience, relevant to the subject at hand?
Uhm, isn’t that somewhat analogous to asking a factory chicken farm line worker to weigh in on brain aneurysms?
Where’s the logic? What’s the connection? How is that relevant to these boys’ expertise?
I realize that Biden can’t figure out anything by himself but there are people trained academically and experientially in these matters. And they’re people right here on American home turf. After all, it’s American dynamics, social interactions, and other homegrown factors that need to be examined. Otherwise, scrap the American academics, politicians, government officials, and NGOs and call in the dudes from Nepal or Outer Mongolia or wherever.
BIDEN’S ULTERIOR MOTIVES
Why did Biden invite this South Korean boy band? It couldn’t be that he wants to sniff their hair because they’re not girls. And they’re not pre-pubescent.
It couldn’t be that their educational or intellectual credentials equip them to answer these complex questions that have (Biden’s) experts stumped.
I guess Uncle Joe is pandering to the Asian-Americans of voting age, beginning with the 18-year-old K-Pop-crazy teenyboppers, that he hopes will vote for him in 2024.
GO WITH THE FLOW
But let’s just go with the flow. Let me borrow the lyrics of Ed Sheeran’s song, “Shape Of You’, and change the pronoun, “my”, to “his” and say “Follow his (Biden’s) lead”. Sheeran’s lyrics, “I may be crazy, don’t mind me”, needn’t be modified. They relate perfectly to the Poster Boy For Adult Diapers.
Following Biden’s lead for non sequiturs, here’s what I advise him to do.
- JoJo Demento should summon JUSTIN BIEBER, a high school dropout, to the White House for advice on how to shore up the Falfurrias CBP (U.S. Customs and Border Protection) checkpoint in Brooks County, Texas to better apprehend human traffickers and drug smugglers. If he’s busy, ask KIM KARDASHIAN.
Among the photos circulating on the internet which reflect Bieber’s judgment is one where his mouth is fixed on the right mammary of a female stripper while his buddy suctions the left mammary.
- SloJo should involve MADONNA . He needs to ask her opinion on what the U.S. Army’s combined arms-maneuver response should consist of against a mini-drone that has penetrated enemy air space and possesses the capabilities of instantly sending target specifics to a larger drone that’s in position to relay data to an attack helicopter, or to a ground-based AI-enabled computer, or to land weapons systems.
Madonna’s credentials? Among the 63-year-old’s recent projects is a May 2022 collaboration with digital artist, Beeple, in which she appears naked many times and mimes giving birth to a variety of objects.
- Beijing Biden can solicit advice from LIZZO on how to deal with China’s takeover of the Solomon Islands in the South Pacific as part of maneuvers to bring its People’s Liberation Army within striking distance of Hawaii.
Accusations of song lyric plagiarism against the obese black singer might impress Biden as qualifications for being a White House adviser. Perchance it would also render Lizzo as consultation-worthy in Dementia Joe’s mind that Lizzo featured famous singer, Ariana Grande, on Lizzo’s remix of a song entitled “Good As Hell’ but denied her singing credits. BTW, the song shot to number 2 on the BillBoard charts.
- Joe, with inflation raging, why not invite GUCCI MANE to the White House (real name Radric Delantic Davis for your Secret Service guys when you do a clearance on him) so he can tell you how he would solve Bidenflation and the looming recession. And don’t forget to quiz Gucci on his reactions to what some finance experts view as the impending collapse of mortgage lender Fannie Mae.
Biographical tidbits of rapper Gucci Mane include a lengthy – pardon the pun – rap sheet that commences with a first-degree murder charge in 2005 then a potpourri of beating a concert promoter with a pool stick, possessing a firearm as a felon, etc., etc., etc.
BE BIDEN
Let me borrow First Lady Melania Trump’s slogan, “Be Best” and twist it to fit the Biden Era. Same initials, “B.B.”, but this time they would mean “BE BIDEN”.
Because Captain Demento wanted the nation to follow his dictates, including wearing a mask when you’re all alone in your car, I assume he would want us to follow his non sequiturian, if I may be allowed to coin a word, example in all aspects of our lives.
So here we go. For the rest of us mere mortals who don’t have celebrity connections, this is what I propose. These are some of the people you should consult for advice. They have no reasonable connection to anything you would need to know.
(1) If you’re pregnant and your water breaks, call your lawn guy to ask what you should do.
(2) If your Sigificant Other exhibits symptomatology of a heart attack, call your realtor.
(3) If your child is diagnosed with hebephrenic schizophrenia, why not give your pesticide guy a jingle.
(4) If your husband has a farm equipment accident involving a missing limb, have a tête-à-tête about it with the shampoo lady at the local beauty salon.
And so on and so forth. You get the picture.
