Justice – 1, Lying Skanks – 0

Depp vs. Heard Post-Fight Analysis

In my pre-verdict Op-Ed entitled “Amber Heard. DESTROYING the #MeToo Movement”  I didn’t have the space to cite all the lies Amber Heard told about ex-husband Johnny Depp.

For example, Heard claims that Johnny beat her face so badly she was forced to cover up the damage with Milani’s special bruise-covering makeup. However, the Los Angeles-headquartered cosmetics company wasted no time calling out her lies.

The Milani cosmetics company unequivocally informed the court that said product wasn’t even on the market until a year after the date of the alleged injury. (Never mind that with her addiction to expensive brand names in her choice of clothes, cuisine, and other necessities as well as luxuries of life, it’s most unlikely she uses Milani cosmetics. Or has even heard of them.)

FAKE Conscious: Pretending to Care About Abused Women

Ms. Heard is now lamenting that what breaks her heart the most is not the 15 million in court-ordered Benjamins she has to fork over to Johnny but the impact her loss in court will have on women. (He has to pay her $2 million because his attorney in court documents called her allegations a “hoax”.)

Ladies, do you really believe that Amber Heard cares a fig about us women? Guys, how much care do you think languishes in Ms. Heard’s narcissistic heart for your grannies, mothers, sisters, fiancés, wives, aunts, other relatives, and your female friends?

Heard K.O.’d the credibility of women. But she gave muscle to abused men.

Crocodile Tears

Her attorney, Elaine Bredehoft, is whining that her client is unable to pay Johnny the $10 million in compensatory damages and the $5 million in punitive damages which the court ordered in the wake of the 6-week-long trial. Word is Ms. Bredehoft left the courtroom crying.

May I offer my interpretation? What she’s truly upset about is the now dubious ability of her client to pay her and lead counsel Benjamin Rottenborn’s attorney’s fees, along with the paralegals’ fees, xeroxing charges (multiply the minimum 25 cents a page by several thousand), and miscellaneous costs.

What did Ms. Heard do with the $7 million she received in the January 20th, 2017 divorce settlement? ? Money paid on time and in full by the sweet man who married her without demanding a prenuptial agreement. The money she promised to split between the AC.L.U. and the Los Angeles Children’s Hospital but never did.

Oh oh. If her pledge to a charity fulfills the requirements of a legally binding contract – viz., she promised to give money and the charity promised to accept it- Amber Heard can be sued by both parties.

Cue Rolling Stones music. Hear Mick Jagger singing, “Here it comes. Here it comes. Here it comes. Here it comes. Here comes your 19th nervous breakdown.”

Extravagant Spending Addiction

Could it be the seven million already evaporated due to her spending habits that online South China Morning Post’s Celebrity section reported?

At the time of the divorce Amber Heard was earning $10,000 a month but admitted to spending $44,000 a month for “basic” expenses. We can reasonably assume Johnny had been paying the shortfall.

Her attorneys had to come clean with a financial disclosure on her. Here’s what her “basics” consisted of:

$120,000.00 per year on rent; $60,00000 a year on entertainment and gifts; $60,000.00 per annum on vacations; $24,000.00 a year on clothes; $24,000.00 a year on dining out; $24,000.00 a year on groceries; $36,000.00 a year on “healthcare” (psychiatrists? drugs?).

Of course, it is not mentioned what she spent on recreational drugs. She’s an admitted cocaine user and it is known that she also is fond of Ecstasy and mushrooms. On the wedding reception invitations she stated there would be dining, dancing, and drugs.

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Solutions to the Amber Heard Poverty Dilemma

So Amber Heard can’t afford to pay Johnny the defamation trial verdict of $15 million? She needs another rich guy. Christie Wagner to the rescue!

This is my advice for your game plan. Pick any one of these, ex-Mrs. Johnny Depp.

  1. GO TO DUBAI. Walk along the E-11 with your thumb out. When a Rolls Royce stops for you, explain to the sheik in the backseat that your $2.6 million dollar Pagani Huayra broke down. (I know, I know. You don’t have a Pagani. But you don’t want to look like a gold digger so you need to make him feel comfortable by creating the appearance that the two of you are birds of a feather.)If he offers to drive you back to it, politely decline. Tell him you can’t remember where you left it so you’ll just buy another one later; right now you’re hungry from all that walking. That will be the opening for him to invite you to dinner and later a roll in the hay.
  2. GO TO IBIZA. Stroll topless along Es Cavallet beach. Find an especially wealthy-looking man or woman. (It’s an LGBTQ-friendly beach and you swing both ways, so Es Cavallet is a good target for you.) Ask him or her to help you look for your bikini top. Tell your mark that it’s a very special bikini top because your granny bought it for you for Christmas. This should imbue you with the charm factor. The rest should fall into place.
  3. GO TO MONACO. Scope out the largest yacht that’s docked at the Yacht Club de Monaco Marina. Make sure the owner is on it, not just the crew. Tell him that you have to go to the bathroom. Yeah, it’s a little embarrassing, but showing vulnerability is sometimes just the right ticket. Afterwards tell him you’re exhausted from having to pull your swimsuit down and could you lie down a bit in the master stateroom. He’ll get the picture.

You’re welcome, Amber. Joking aside, shame on you.

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